Its Going To Be Ok......Is it?

      Have you ever been dealing with a situation where you feel like everything is falling apart or that they couldn't get any worse.  I have, many times.  The unexpected happens, all the time.  That is why they call it "the unexpected".   I am not, by any means, belittling these moments in any way shape or form.  They can be down right some of the toughest moments of your life, without question.
I remember in high school having my first break up, feeling like I would never get through it, my heart in pieces.  I remember losing a neighbor friend I had grown up with after he had been killed in a car accident and how the loss rocked his family and our neighborhood.  I remember my Father, who had suffered from alcoholism who, one year, forgot my birthday.  I remember doing things that disappointed my parents, and having to face the consequences.  I remember losing one of my best friends due to changing of seasons and he chose to walk away and bawling my eyes out.  The loss of my first student killed in a car accident.  I remember dealing with the consequences of the loss of a relationship I had clearly misjudged from the start.  I remember the devastating loss of my husband Todd to death, and then my father 4 months later.  Unexpected bills and expenses and the list goes on and on......This doesn't even begin to scratch the surface of things I could have listed.
     If you are breathing, you have indeed been in a position where you weren't sure if you were going to make it out to the other side of the mountain.  You may remember asking yourself, "Am I going to make it?", "Will I survive this?", or "How am I ever going to do this?".
God doesn't promise of a life without pain or circumstances, but He does promise to be there and give you strength and comfort and to light the way.

There have been many times  in my life where I just wanted to quit. I even remember stating to Him, "Lord you said you would help me!" and " Lord I can’t do it without you!"  
 It is so incredibly true that we cant do it without God,  we are nothing without Him.
God will help us in all our trials. Sometimes, the true honest question in life is wondering WHY some things would happen. I'm not going to lie, I don't know why some things happen, but I do know that it is the enemy that comes to kill, steal and destroy (John 10:10).  I also know however that God uses all things to work together for our good (Romans 8:28), and also there is a season for everything and a purpose under Heaven. (Ecclesiastes 3:1) Regardless of where you are going, or what is staring you in the face, don’t trust in your situation and don’t look to what is seen. All the trials you go through in life are making you stronger. You will see God working in your life if you’re a Christian. You won’t remain in those trials, so don’t give up. You will go through trials and get out and then go back in them, but always remember the mighty hand of God is at work. 
Joy confuses the enemy.  oh yes, I can hear you now...."JOY, RIGHT NOW?!.....you have got to be kidding me!"  Yes, joy confuses the enemy.  Scrape together what ever bit of joy you can muster up, even if its merely squeaking out a smile.  Even when, ESPECIALLY WHEN, you don't feel like it.  With that being said, I am not saying not to cry, just don't drown in your own tears because the enemy gains more ground.   Don’t waste your trials go ahead into that prayer closet and cry out to God. Glorify God in your suffering. God will help you have faith. (know that I need reminders of this too.  I am sure I will need to come back and read this again for myself at some point.)  Don’t take my word for it believe in His promises. 
     Look back in your life and its trials, and ask yourself if you are still breathing and have a pulse....(I'll give you a second to check).  Then you are still alive.  How many things have you walked through in your life and you've wondered if you ever would make it?  If you have a trial and you have come to it, well then KNOW without a doubt that God WILL bring you THROUGH IT.  It may be different then you had planned or different than you imagined, but you WILL end up on the other side of the mountain in His timing and in His way.  Whatever you do, DON'T STOP, DON'T QUIT, DON'T GIVE UP, just keep moving forward KNOWING that it IS going to be ok because His mighty hand is upon you and is already at work.  He knew the path you would come to before you did and He has a clear view of the other side of the mountain.  Trust Him, even when, especially when you don't understand.
 Ephesians 3:20 Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us

Reflection - Being the Change You Want To See

     It is true that today is my 46th birthday.  To be honest in my heart, I feel often like I'm in my 20's and some days my body feels 80 ha ha, but that is life.  The truth of the matter is that even though I'm now 46 instead of 45, its just a number.  I'm happy, my spirit is beaming inside because God is so incredibly good.  Some days are hard, some days are easy, and some days I'd like to call out a mulligan and do them over.
  As I reflect on the last year, its had its moments both good and bad.  I'm in the second year of teaching at my school but overall, my 22nd year of teaching, its been the hardest year of my career yet both physically and mentally. I, however, would not have traded it, as both the lessons and the rewards were all worth it, even on the days I felt like giving up, God would show His face and sprinkle a reminder of why I am where He has me at this very moment.
  In my home life, my kids kept me running constantly, and in marriage I am blessed to have a husband who "gets" my heart and understands it.  In all marriages, it takes work, they ALL take work.  Often people believe that you just fall in love and live happily ever after.  You can, but it, love, truly is a choice,  with some days that are easier than others and that is the honest truth. In my home, Christ is the center, and that may be the only perfect thing in our entire home - Christ himself.   There are days that you all love each other madly and then there are days that you'd like to string each other up by their toes.  You love, you yell, and cry,  you love more, and forgive, and love, kiss, hug and laugh and you grow and love. Our house gets messy, because we live there, and keeping it clean is a constant, never ending chore.  If you stop over I cant promise that there wont be dishes in the sink, but I've learned that they will still be there in the morning and that time with family and friends is far more precious.  I've learned that "this too shall pass" even when it feels like it wont, it usually does.   I am learning that even though I strive at communicating my thoughts, that not everyone is wired that way, and its okay.  I've also learned to be silent, but the WHEN to be silent I am still working through ;)
   I've learned that family is not just people that you share blood with.  I've been blessed with another incredible year of amazing God ordained friendships.  I have learned that its not about who you have known the longest but its about those who are there when things are both good and when things are falling apart.  I've learned that its about those who will speak truth to you in love always, and still be there to wipe your tears because that truth might hurt a little. I've also learned that those same people will admit and apologize if they've done wrong. I've been reminded many times over that some of my relationships with people do not fit the "traditional" mold and people who don't know my heart, get their panties in a wad when it doesn't.  I've learned that it is less to do with me and more to do with their own heart and thinking. 
  I've learned to deeply appreciate those who are REAL in my life at all times.  This year, I've watched friends walk through tragedy of loss and triumph of victory, where we have both cried hard tears and laughed together where your tears wanna run down your leg. 
 I've walked through the motions, and tears, of begging God not to move one of my closest and best friends across the county, when it was a possibility, all the while asking forgiveness if I was being selfish still asking God to do His will and not mine. (although I wanted Gods will to match my own - just being real).  
I've learned even more that when you step out of "the box" that the air is far more fresh than you could even imagine, and I'll never go back to a box mentality again.  I've learned that true freedom might seem to cost you something (like stepping into the unknown), but that the payoff of blessings is beyond bigger than you could ever possibly begin to imagine.
I've learned even more, that Gods plan is bigger, more beautiful than I can still begin to comprehend, and just when I think that something is pretty amazing, He has shown me how its just a glimpse of what amazing actually looks like from His perspective.  
Most of all I have learned even more to be a reflection of what you want to see.  If you want love, then love with all your heart.  If you want truth then tell the truth at all times.  If you want compassion, be compassionate.  If you want realness in others, then be authentic in ALL things without motive.
Most of all, to realize that you may never see this given back to you, but to DO IT ANYWAY.  Be the reflection of what you want to see.

The Sound of Silence

     Such an odd thing, as I was driving down the road by myself, the Lord led me to think about silence.  Seems kind of odd, but I am always game for having Him show me things even when they seem "out of the blue". 
 I began to think about silence.  In my life I have dealt with varying forms of silence.  Right now,  I am enjoying my summer break, and I am quite fascinated by the silence that I don't often get to entertain during the school year, and I am okay with it.  My kids on the other hand, not so much.
Depending on how you look at it, silence can be perceived as both a good and bad thing.  Lets think for a moment about being in a conversation and there is silence in the middle of it.  Is it awkward silence or welcomed?  Just this weekend I was with some friends and we were traveling back from a long fun day at the beach.  The entire day had been filled with conversation and laughter.  At one point on the drive back, the truck with 5 people in it, became silent because we were all tired and everyone was just in their own world.  It was not an awkward silence at all, but nice to just be in each others company without any demand of conversation or space filling.  No expectations but just pure relaxation, we were all comfortable with each other to just be quiet and know it was ok.  
There have been other times I have been with people and there was that awkward silence in the midst of conversation and you didn't know what to say but felt that something needed to fill the space because otherwise it was just weird.  
There are so many different kinds of silence.  The silence when someone does not return a text and your expectation is that they will.  The silence when your children are in another room and you know they must be up to something because it is too quiet.  The silence after a long busy day and you get home and kick off your shoes and shut off your phone.
The deafening silence that happens after a loved one passes away and the funeral is over and the world has moved on, but you are not ready.  The silence after someone moves out or moves away and their room is empty.  The silence of a loss of a beloved pet, where you would give anything to hear their bark, or their paws across the kitchen floor once more.
    In our busy world, silence is not often welcomed or it is considered faux pas.  We work hard at filling the silence with noise, things, people.  Sometimes its good to just take a look at the silence and accept it for what it is.  To me silence is reflective.  I think people often fight silence because in the silence we are forced to reflect.  We either reflect on the situation, our feelings, our pain, but most of all the truth of a situation.  
   When my husband passed away, and life moved forward whether I was ready or not, I remember the silence, the painful silence.  The struggle was truly real.  Often people choose to never face the silence but instead use fillers to avoid it, that in the end can sometimes do more damage than good.  Personally for me, the silence made me come face to face with my pain, the pain of loss staring me blatantly in the face.  I was forced to see how exactly I was feeling both emotionally and physically and the pain that filled the depths of my soul, as I  felt like my heart was being ripped out.  I was forced to see that if I did nothing, I felt as though the pain would kill me.  I was forced to make a choice.  I chose at that time to cry out in the silence, to my Heavenly Father who comforted me time and time again and spoke healing words and life to me in that vary silence.
Silence in any situation, in my opinion is a chance for clarity.  It forces you to look deeper.  Even when you are having a conversation with someone that is serious, you are told to pause (silence) before giving a response.  When you are engaged in any kind of conversation with someone and there is a long silence, or maybe you never get a response, there is some clarity in that...possibly that silence is your answer.  What is there to be learned in the silence you are experiencing? 
God encourages us to get quiet (silence) for many reasons.  I think my favorite verse out of the many is Psalm 46:10 "Be still and know that I am God....".  
Personally, in my silence, I can clearly and reflectively hear His voice far more, as He guides and directs me on His path.
     Silence isn't always easy, especially if you are busy like I am, but it doesn't have to be awkward, its all in perspective.    In the silence the enemy will try his best to torment you, but run to God first to shut out the noise of the enemies chatter, and call on the name of Jesus.   Silence is a way to discover possibly what God has before you or what He is trying to show you.  Silence is a chance to soak in His peace letting it pour over you like rain.  I am finding that the older I get that silence at times is a necessity to collect myself and my thoughts and to slow my world down.   Don't run from silence, but instead embrace it, and discover the truths behind it. If you cant see it, He'll show you, just ask, but then be sure you are quiet so you can hear His voice with the answer.