Peace in His Presence

    Today I was editing some pictures and came across a recent picture of when we were in the Bahamas.  My daughters and myself went this spring with some family for a week, and had a really great time.  My husband was unable to go with us due to his work but encouraged us to go.  Its not the first time and probably wont be the last time that we travel separate from my husband, its just kind of the way our jobs and vacations have worked out.  I am looking forward to the day when we can once again be on a vacation together.  While looking at a particular picture from that vacation, I remember having a great time but starting to feel grouchy toward the end of the week because I missed my husband so bad.  We talked nightly but it just wasn't the same as being with him.    I recall mentioning it to my oldest daughter who reminded me that this happens every time I am away from him for a few days....Momma starts to get grumpy.  I laughed, but it was true and made sense to me.  My husband and I are ONE, and my heart feels like it is missing a piece when we are apart.  I know in December when my girls were away visiting their aunt in Alabama, I was feeling that same way after a few days and couldn't wait for them to get back so I would feel like things were "right" again.  When I am away from my best friends for a period of time, I really really miss them and when we get together finally, it feels like a huge refreshing.  Almost like walking in the desert for awhile and then finally having Niagara Falls dumped over you when you finally and joyfully get to gather together. 
 When we are together,  all these beautiful pieces of my heart, it makes sense to me that I feel "right" again.  I can not explain it except that it is something that makes sense to me in the Spirit, things that God has brought together.  Now imagine that with God only magnified.
I know when things in my life have gotten busy with work, school, activities for the kids, sports, ministry, or I have what seems to be a million things on my mind etc.....and I feel like I haven't stopped to sit down and focus, breathe and just rest and be in the presence of God....things just don't feel right.  They feel chaotic, like my world is spinning, and I get really, really REALLY grouchy.
This is when I KNOW I need to STOP and get away from the noise.  Its when I know I need to shut out the rest of the world, turn my phone off, step away and just breathe in His presence.  Often the place that I immediately gravitate to is my piano to worship.  It is often after my husband has taken the kids to school and I have an hour to myself.  Sometimes, however,  it can't wait until that time.  If I am going to have any kind of peace, and get to a place where, regardless of my circumstances, I know where my heart feels the  most whole,  and that is in His presence.   I just will STOP, and breathe and begin to hum or sing in worship.  I might just close my eyes, breathe deep and being to thank Him and praise Him for all of His blessings He has bestowed upon me in my life.  
Its one thing to be away from our family and closest friends, but its another to be away from God.  We NEVER have to actually be away from God, He is always there.  It is up to us whether or not we take time and soak in His presence.  I could never imagine being in a room with those closest and dearest to my heart and just ignore the fact that they are right there, so why do we do it with God?  Ouch!
God is pleased to dwell, not to just visit once in awhile, but to dwell and make an abode.  In my heart I want His presence more than I want anything else, but I have to live a life that is conducive to welcome that presence.  When I get caught up in life and its business, then I miss it.  When I miss it, I notice it and it has a tremendous effect on my attitude.  My attitude then affects those around me.  We cant help but be away from our loved ones at times, but we are blessed with the fact that we never have to be away from the very One who loves us more that anyone on this Earth could ever begin to.  Our Heavenly Father wants to be present in our daily lives, from second to second.  He, however, is a gentleman and will not force Himself upon you.  I can tell you from experience though, that to live a life of peace, regardless of circumstances means to acknowledge Him in everything you do and He will be that peace in your life that passes all understanding. 

A Transformation - "Weight" Loss.

   
     Yesterday I was having lunch with one of my very best friends.  We were talking about weight loss.  He and I have both lost weight in the last several months.  He shared with me a funny story about an incident where he realized he'd lost enough weight that it effected how his clothing stayed or didn't stay on his body while he was running and playing around with friends.  Apparently they all had a good laugh.  Then we talked about different things people had said when they had noticed we had each lost weight and were surprised at the change.  He simply commented what I already knew, and that it was a change in diet.  Eating differently.  What you put in your body makes all the difference in the world.
    This morning the Lord reminded me of my friends funny story but then took it one step further.  What ever we set our thinking on is going to have an effect on what stays with us and what gets sown into our hearts.
We've all been through some junk in our lives, more than we may even want to admit to.  I had an alcoholic father, that has left some residue in my life.  I also have lost quite a bit in my life in various ways through divorce and also being widowed  that has left its own residue.  Through much of that pain in my life I think for some time I believed that I was not worthy of anything or anyone.  I believed that I was damaged goods, and that nobody would want me and that I was never good enough.  This started at an early age.    I became fearful in many areas of my life.  I ingested those thoughts every day and those lies got down into my soul.  Those thoughts became part of what I carried around with me because I believed them.  I worked hard to try to rid myself of them by "over achieving", by "people pleasing" but I had allow those thoughts, and the way I saw myself or thought of myself to adhere themselves to my life.
It was not until I began to ingest the Word of God regularly and truly allow it to manifest into my heart and soul did I begin to see myself differently.  To see myself the way that God sees me.

Romans 10:17  So then faith cometh by hearing, and hearing by the word of God.

Physical weight loss is a transformation over time by changing diet and increasing physical activity.  Changing our "stinkin thinkin" is the same.  We will never be transformed in our minds and ultimately our hearts of what we believe in ourselves if we are unaware of what God says about us.

Romans 12:2

And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.

Just like it takes time to lose the weight, it also takes time to renew our minds into understanding that God did not create junk when He created us.  You want the stinky thoughts to fall off you like shorts that no longer fit properly?  Then you need to change what you are feeding your mind.  

Below is a great start and foundation of renewing your mind:

• I am crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. (Galatians 2:20)
• The Son has set me free. I am free indeed! (John 8:36)
• My body is the temple of the Holy Spirit. (1 Corinthians 6:19)
• I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength. (Philippians 4:13)
• He who began a good work in me will be faithful to complete it. (Philippians 1:6)
• There is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. (Romans 8:1)
• Nothing can ever separate me from the love of God in Christ Jesus. (Romans 8:38-39)
• In all things God works for the good of those who love him. (Romans 8:28)
• God is faithful. He will not let me be tempted beyond what I can bear. (1 Corinthians 10:13)
• God has not given me a spirit of fear, but of power, love and a sound mind. (2 Timothy 1:7)
• My light and momentary troubles are achieving for me an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. (2 Corinthians 4:17)
• He is able to do immeasurably more than all I ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within me. (Ephesians 3:20)
• God is for me! Who can be against me? (Romans 8:31)

God does not make junk!

You are valuable, you are prescious and made with a purpose.

  Begin to lose all the things that you have ingested from this world 

and the circumstances that you have walk through and instead 

digest what the Creator intended.  If you can recognize how 

valuable you are in His eyes, you will begin to be transformed from

 the inside out.  Here is what God says about just how valuable you

 are:

I am the Creator and you are my creation. I breathed into your nostrils the breath of life (Genesis 2:7). I created you in my own image (Genesis 1:27). My eyes saw your unformed substance (Psalm 139:16). I knit you together in your mother’s womb (Psalm 139:13). I know the number of hairs on your head, and before a word is on your tongue I know it (Matthew 10:30; Psalm 139:4). You are fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14).

You are more valuable than many sparrows (Matthew 10:31). I have given you dominion over all sheep and oxen and all beasts of the field and birds of the heavens and fish of the sea (Psalm 8:6–8; Genesis 1:26, 28). I have crowned you with glory and honor as the pinnacle and final act of the six days of creation (Psalm 8:5; Genesis 1:26).

However, from the very beginning, you exchanged the truth about me for a lie. You worshiped and served created things rather than me, the Creator (Romans 1:25). You have sinned and fallen short of my glory (Romans 3:23). Just as I said to Adam and Eve, the penalty for your sin is death (Romans 6:23;Genesis 2:17). And in your sin, you were spiritually dead (Ephesians 2:1). You were children of wrath, living as enemies to me (Ephesians 2:3; Romans 5:10). You turned aside from me. You became corrupt. There is none who does good, not even one (Psalm 14:2–3). What you deserve is my righteous judgment (Psalm 7:11–12).

And yet, in my great love, I gave my unique Son, that all those who believe in him will not perish but have everlasting life (John 3:16). While you were still sinners, Christ died for you. While you were still hostile toward me, you were reconciled to me by the death of my Son (Romans 5:8, 10). Sin doesn’t have the last word. Grace does (Romans 5:20).

Now everyone who calls on the name of Jesus will be saved (Romans 10:13). You who have believed are born again (1 Peter 1:3). I have adopted you (Ephesians 1:5). You are children of God, heirs of God (1 John 3:2;Romans 8:16–17). You are no longer orphans. You belong to me (John 14:18;1 Corinthians 6:19). And I love you as a perfect Father (1 John 3:1;Luke 15:20–24).

     My passion is that you know that He's an amazing God who loves you and He wants you to love yourself and see yourself the way that He does.  It starts by getting rid of the old and ingesting the new.  Renew your mind daily with His Word.  I don't care where you have walked, its time to leave the past behind and move into all that God has for you, but it has to start with you.  Often I think we get used to carrying around the weight and heaviness of what we have believed about ourselves for so long that we don't even begin to realize the damage that we have allowed it to cause.  We've become so used to feeling a certain way about ourselves that we cant imagine things being different or anyone seeing us differently. We have become accustomed to behaving a certain way because we have done it for so long.  When we keep unhealthy physical weight on us for too long, it effects our over all health beyond just the strain of our bones and muscles. It can result in High blood pressure, cholesterol, diabetes, etc... 
Believing lies about ourselves that the enemy places there, does the same thing.  It slowly destroys your self esteem, self confidence, makes us needy and insecure.   God, however, intends for us to walk in Freedom.  People are always going to have something to say to you or about you, and can surely be hurtful.  What are you ingesting and allowing in your diet?  Start a new lifestyle today by only taking in and digesting what Gods Word says about you, spitting anything else out, and let the transformation begin.   God bless you.

The Struggle Not to Squeeze

     Today I am struggling.  I am not going to lie.  A friend of my daughters, a former classmate, and a former student and player of mine, was killed last night in a car accident.  Our house has been heavy hearted for this family.  This beautiful, vibrant, 16 year old girl, hit by another driver who failed to stop at a stop sign. 
So many things running through my head as tears have run from my face.  My heart aches for the mother. I ache for the whole family, but I am a mother.   I could not even begin to imagine the pain of loss as a mother, I pray to God that I never have to know that pain.  I am familiar with loss, the excruciating, devastating pain of losing someone close to you that you love with your whole heart.  I never want to walk through that pain ever again, but at some point it happens to all of us.  Death, is imminent for everyone who is presently alive.  We will all die and will eventually will all lose someone we love.
So how do we handle it?  How do we walk through it?  There is no simple formula for dealing with grief.  Yes, there are the 12 step programs, but its different for everyone. I believe grief can truly last a lifetime when you are grieving someone close to you.  Time heals, but the scar, always present.
     Today for me, the fear of loss is real.  Every time I watch someone else walk through it, part of me grieves again deeply because I remember the pain, and we all hold those close to us a little tighter.  Today I found myself gripped in fear.  This beautiful life lost too soon, nearly the same age as my oldest daughter.  They went to school together in elementary, played sports together.  She had just gotten her license not too long ago.  Yesterday, of all days, my daughter also received her official certificate for completing her Drivers Ed. course.  Normally upon getting such a thing, I would be excited for her, but it came yesterday night, after finding out about our friends loss, and I really just wanted to just tear it up in to pieces.  The thought of letting my girl out on the road after such a tragedy...I want to scream NEVER!!  That, however, isn't a realistic answer, but right now its the answer that feels right although I know I wont stick to it.  The thought of it, does however, make me sick. 
     Fear,  I hate that word.  Ive written a lot about it because its been a prevalent battle in my life.  I know in my heart and from the Word of God, that God does not give us the spirit of fear, but sometimes my flesh is just soooo weak against it.
2 Timothy 1:7 
For God hath not given us the spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.  
Fear makes you want to sweep up everyone close to you and hold them so tightly that you wont lose them.  However the ripple effect of doing that actually leads to loss.  If you try and hold on to anything, something so tightly, you WILL squeeze the life out of it.  Whether it be a person or a relationship of some sort.  A fearful person is a controlling person.  We think that if we can control a person or situation that it will keep us from getting hurt, but the opposite is actually true.  Being controlling and holding tightly causes a person to run the opposite direction if you haven't already pushed them away.  So what do we do?  We have to trust God.  As I am typing I am reminding my own heart of this truth.  Faith is trusting that God will do what He says He will do.  Faith is letting go and letting God. Tomorrow is never promised for any of us.
    I remember sitting on a plane getting ready for take off.  I began thinking about "why in the world am I on this plane?  Am I crazy?"  I remember thinking that I was fine with roller coasters because they were attached to the ground, but this plane....hanging in the air with nothing but aerodynamics holding that bad boy up....have I lost my mind?  At that moment the Lord said to me...."Jen, you don't even have control of your next breath".  This thought sobered my thinking right up.  I thought..."you are right Lord."  I can try to make myself breathe, try and inhale...but truly absolutely zero control over it or if I can make the next one come.
This thought actually helped me realize what I was doing in my freaking out.  I was then reminded that I am NOTHING without God.  I was reminded that I need to turn it all over to Him and let go and just breath, for however long I am given.
After 9/11, I remember wishing that Kennedy was back in my belly so that she would be more protected.....but would she really?
Even as babies grow, eventually they need out of the womb or they will be smothered to death due to lack of space.  It could also kill the mother carrying the baby because the body is not meant to withstand such a thing.  Its the same in life.  Id like to keep my children close to me and safe, but there is only a limited amount of ways that I can protect.  I have to let them go.  If I hold on, they will not grow, they will begin to suffocate and will do one of two things...it will stunt their growth which will kill their potential or they will rebel from the suffocation and run....neither outcome do I want.
As much as fear wants to make me hold on to my loved ones tightly, they don't really belong to us, and its not what God intended.  Our loved ones are in our lives for a time, for a season.  This is why it is so important that we know Christ as our personal Savior.  You will hear a whole lot of things after people die, but the Bible speaks clearly of this and the truth, the only way to get to Heaven. 
John 14:6  Jesus answered, "I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.

I am so thankful to know that my daughters friend had a personal relationship with Christ, and I don't question for one second  where she is, I know that she is in Heaven in the arms of Jesus.

In the meanwhile, we have to let go and just let God. Taking advantage of each moment and not taking any time for granted.  It is easy to do.  It is easy to get lost in the busy things happening in our lives.  We just have to move forward trusting God, knowing that He is our present hope in time of need.  He is our comforter.  We may not know what the next moment brings, or even if we will have a next breath.  However, we can't hold so tightly to them that there is no space to grow.  We all need space to become all we are meant to be.  The struggle is so real, I want to do it right now, hold tightly never letting my kids out of my sight, but I know I cant.  Fear and control become a prison of our own making if we let it.  Instead we need to hand the keys to Him and let him lead us to freedom.  There are no guarantees except that the sweet assurance that when we know Him, and make Him THEE personal Savior of our lives that we will be joined eventually with all those who have gone before us and those that will follow who have done the same.  All my hope is in You Lord, so I release my grip knowing you hold us all in the palm of your hand.

Stinky Fish

     Last week as I was thinking about some things in life and how God wants us to surrender, the Lord laid a picture in my mind that to me was quite comical but oh so good.

We have all been through things in our lives.  Every single one of us.  It may be things that you have brought upon yourself, or it may be things that you have had to walk through.  Seasons of pain, seasons of hurt, anger, sadness etc..  I personally have been through much loss in my life, which in turn has walked me through seasons of feeling abandoned, rejected, tremendous fear etc...  If you are breathing at all, then you have walked through something in your life.

     God placed this picture in my heart of fishing.  I grew up fishing with my Dad who taught me early on how to bait my own hook, take a fish off the hook, gut and clean them.  I didn't LOVE fishing but it was a way to spend time with my Daddy, something I so very much desired.  My sweet husband too loves to fish.  We used to go a lot together until one day he told me that I talk too much for fishing.  I laughed and laughed.  I love to talk and be social, but talking and fishing don't go well together because talking scares the fish away because they can hear you.  We have since found other things to do together instead. ha ha :) 

When laying this upon my heart, the Lord reminded me of what we do when we catch fish.  Upon a catch, a fisherman places the fish into a bucket, live well, or on a string that stays in the water along side the boat.  The Lord, however, said to me, "but what if we had to hold on to all those fish while we were fishing?"  I thought to myself, "well that is an odd thing, but okay Lord?!"

  If we had to hold each fish we caught, it wouldn't be long before our arms became full, one by one. Eventually we would not have full range to use our arms to cast or reel in as we are holding onto our fish.  I don't know about you, but I always want to be ready when the "Big Daddy Fish" of all fish decides to take a bite at my hook, so I can reel him in, but with an arm full of fish, well.....it could be a bit difficult.  After several  hours in the sun, and holding slimy fish that will die in your arms....well you will carry a fragrance that only a mother could love, because you are gonna STINK.

     Often in life we have had things happen to us, things that we have had to walk through, and we hold on to those things or remnants of those things instead of placing them down at the feet of Jesus.  We get comfortable and used to holding those things, so much that we don't even notice the scent they can leave upon us.  I personally have been guilty of this.  When we hold on to those things, however, we lose the full range in which God wants to use us.  We limit ourselves because we choose not to lay it down, it becomes part of our identity.  That is not what God intended for your life. God does not want the things we have walked through to become your identity.  God wants you to walk in freedom, and not holding on to the things that have happened to you, but instead moving forward to the things that God has for you.  When I walk through a door, I don't want the first thing people see is me holding an arm full of stinky fish,  I want them to see the joy of the Lord radiating from me.  They may find out eventually in my testimony that I have dealt with some stinky fish in my life, but I want the glow of the presence of the Lord upon my life to out shine anything I have ever walked through.  When I praise and worship, I want my arms to be free of any of the stink that life has tried to lay upon me so that I can fully give my full praise to Him without any kind of hindrance possibly getting in the way.  I need to lay any stinky fish that I may be holding on to, down at the feet of Jesus.

    I remember when I was a little girl, after out fishing with my Dad and catching a ton of Bluegill, that after he had gutted some of them to eat, he also took many many of them to the garden and began to bury them.  I remember being horrified, wondering if he was trying to grow fish plants because I didn't understand what he was doing.  He then laughed and said, "no honey, fish make the best fertilizer for a garden for plants to grow".  When the Lord reminded me of this, it took my breath away.

It is true that God makes all things work together for our good.

Romans 8:28

 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

 So everything you have walked through, been through, dealt with, no matter how big or small, God wants to use for fertilizer to help you grow, but you have to lay it down.  If you hold on to it, you will continue to deal with the stinky smelly stench that it will leave upon you and will lose the full range in which He wants to use you to build the kingdom.  Letting go is not always easy because we have become so comfortable and used to holding on and may not even notice the smell.  Once you let go and lay it down, then He can clean you up and show you the freshness and fragrance and full beauty of  the plan He has for your life.

Are you carrying any stinky fish around with you?  Lay them down at His feet today wont you.  God bless ya