I have recently made some, what I would call, Kingdom decisions, that were not necessarily easy but are the direction that God is calling me to go. I really try hard to be obedient and admittedly have failed many of times. However, as I have gotten older and have grown in my walk, obviously obedience is at the top of the list.
Because of this the enemy has been working hard on me, on my mind. Many nights of tossing and turning, night terrors, bad dreams, suddenly being awoken and not able to breathe or going into anxiety attacks. I knew in my heart it was the enemy, but also sought Godly counsel on the matter because even the enemy wants you to think you are losing your mind. Its not uncommon for me to be woken in the night by the Lord. That is when my mind is the most quiet, but this type of waking, along with tossing and turning was different. When the Lord gets my attention at night its a calm and peaceful wakening. When the enemy does it, its with fear, torment and confusion.
2 Timothy 1:7 says, for God does not give us the spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.
Its been happening so much that it was causing me to lose sleep and become short on patience in a lot of areas....I cant think of anything good that comes from lack of sleep, simply because the word LACK. When the Lord wakes me, I am never exhausted in the morning but at peace...a huge difference. With God I lack no good thing. (Psalm 34:10).
In life we are always dealing with some kind of stress. I often hear the saying that "God will never give us more than we can handle" but that is not exactly what the Bible says as people often leave the last part out.
1 Corinthians 10:13 No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.
When you are tempted ....He will provide a way out. This means to me that the stresses we are often carrying, we are not meant to carry, but to give it to Him, this is OUR WAY OUT. I can tell you that when my husband Todd died, that was more than I could handle, but I was able to walk through it because I handed it to God and I let Him carry me through because I could hardly walk.
Yesterday, on the other hand, I allowed stresses to build and build and build, never handing them off but in an attempt to carry them myself. I admit, not in arrogance, that I am a bit of a tough cookie. I also run with those of the same personality. Very much driven, goal oriented, focused, direct, and can be stubborn and head strong personalities. I have been known to take on a lot, but in turn people know that if I give my word on something, that I can be counted on...that my word is good and truthful. The downfall in this is that sometimes I attempt to carry more than I should because I dont think to "hand things off".
"Strength also means to understand that you can not always be strong" - unknown
Instead, I was carrying a lot, ...a lot of small stressors, added to lack of sleep, I finally, after the addition of a small stressor (my 9 year old losing her piano books), I lost it, the whole load came crashing down. I can hear you now...."REALLY? PIANO BOOKS MADE YOU LOSE IT?". No, the whole load I was already carrying that I should not have been, caused me to lose it.
1 Peter 5:7 says "Cast ALL your cares upon Him because He cares for you".
It doesn't say SOME cares, it says ALL!!! GUILTY!! (raising hand).
I will be the first to tell you that I am guilty of this. I am forever learning and having to refocus because the enemies goal is to get us off focus. I have seen him trying to do this in my life even at a more extreme nature in the last few weeks, and honestly, I am not surprised. So why didn't I see this coming, well I am human, I fell for it. I did what any sports fan might say as "I dropped the ball" temporarily, but that's all the enemy needed....just a second, a quick opportunity to get access, and I allowed it. Not on purpose, but I allowed it.
John 10:10 The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.
Yep, I let him steal my joy....I pretty much handed it to him.
One of my best friends posted a saying on her Facebook wall yesterday and it said:
"Real Freedom wont occur with just an external relocation. It requires a complete internal renovation"
To me this is checking my thoughts. Holding every thought captive, checking its origin,,,where is it coming from?? This is an internal check that is needed before it oozes out to the external in some way. Yesterday for me....a BIG FAIL because I didn't do this and then I allowed it to become part of what oozed out of me a lot of the day until I could get alone with God and let Him filter out the junk. The same junk I allowed in because I didn't hold those thoughts captive, because I carried loads I should not have been carrying.
May I challenge to you, as I continually challenge myself, to internally renovate. Refocus from the inside. God does not intend for us to walk in fear of any kind. His intention for us is to walk in freedom, not fear. We can't do both, its either one or the other. I was clearly reminded of this yesterday as it hit me upside the head. You will not be free unless you can cast all your cares upon Him as He suggests in the verse above in 1 Peter.
I mean seriously, do we actually think our shoulders are bigger than Gods hands? Lets not forget who holds the whole world and it isn't you or I.
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