Internal Renovation = Freedom Living

     Yesterday did not start off well at my house.  Many might say..."well it was a Monday".  Whatever...that's not it.
  I have recently made some, what I would call, Kingdom decisions, that were not necessarily easy but are the direction that God is calling me to go.  I really try hard to be obedient and admittedly have failed many of times.  However, as I have gotten older and have grown in my walk, obviously obedience is at the top of the list.
Because of this the enemy has been working hard on me, on my mind.  Many nights of tossing and turning, night terrors, bad dreams, suddenly being awoken and not able to breathe or going into anxiety attacks.  I knew in my heart it was the enemy, but also sought Godly counsel on the matter because even the enemy wants you to think you are losing your mind.  Its not uncommon for me to be woken in the night by the Lord.  That is when my mind is the most quiet, but this type of waking, along with tossing and turning was different.  When the Lord gets my attention at night its a calm and peaceful wakening.  When the enemy does it, its with fear, torment and confusion. 
 2 Timothy 1:7 says, for God does not give us the spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.  
Its been happening so much that it was causing me to lose sleep and become short on patience in a lot of areas....I cant think of anything good that comes from lack of sleep, simply because the word LACK.  When the Lord wakes me, I am never exhausted in the morning but at peace...a huge difference.  With God I lack no good thing.  (Psalm 34:10).
In life we are always dealing with some kind of stress.  I often hear the saying that "God will never give us more than we can handle" but that is not exactly what the Bible says as people often leave the last part out.  

1 Corinthians 10:13 No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.

When you are tempted ....He will provide a way out.  This means to me that the stresses we are often carrying, we are not meant to carry, but to give it to Him, this is OUR WAY OUT.  I can tell you that when my husband Todd died, that was more than I could handle, but I was able to walk through it because I handed it to God and I let Him carry me through because I could hardly walk.

Yesterday, on the other hand, I allowed stresses to build and build and build, never handing them off but in an attempt to carry them myself.  I admit, not in arrogance, that I am a bit of a tough cookie.  I also run with those of the same personality.  Very much driven, goal oriented, focused,  direct, and can be stubborn and head strong personalities.  I have been known to take on a lot, but in turn people know that if I give my word on something, that I can be counted on...that my word is good and truthful.  The downfall in this is that sometimes I attempt to carry more than I should because I dont think to "hand things off".  

"Strength also means to understand that you can not always be strong" - unknown

  Instead, I was carrying  a lot, ...a lot of small stressors, added to lack of sleep, I finally, after the addition of a small stressor (my 9 year old losing her piano books), I lost it, the whole load came crashing down.   I can hear you now...."REALLY? PIANO BOOKS MADE YOU LOSE IT?".  No, the whole load I was already carrying that I should not have been, caused me to lose it.

1 Peter 5:7 says "Cast ALL your cares upon Him because He cares for you". 

 It doesn't say SOME cares, it says ALL!!!   GUILTY!! (raising hand).

I will be the first to tell you that I am guilty of this.  I am forever learning and having to refocus because the enemies goal is to get us off focus.  I have seen him trying to do this in my life even at a more extreme nature in the last few weeks, and honestly, I am not surprised. So why didn't I see this coming, well I am human, I fell for it.  I did what any sports fan might say as "I dropped the ball" temporarily, but that's all the enemy needed....just a second, a quick opportunity to get access, and I allowed it. Not on purpose, but I allowed it.

John 10:10 The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.

Yep, I let him steal my joy....I pretty much handed it to him.

     One of my best friends posted a saying on her Facebook wall yesterday and it said:

"Real Freedom wont occur with just an external relocation. It requires a complete internal renovation"

To me this is checking my thoughts.  Holding every thought captive, checking its origin,,,where is it coming from??   This is an internal check that is needed before it oozes out to the external in some way.  Yesterday for me....a BIG FAIL because I didn't do this and then I allowed it to become part of what oozed out of me a lot of the day until I could get alone with God and let Him filter out the junk.  The same junk I allowed in because I didn't hold those thoughts captive, because I carried loads I should not have been carrying.

May I challenge to you, as I continually challenge myself, to internally renovate. Refocus from the inside.   God does not intend for us to walk in fear of any kind. His intention for us is to walk in freedom, not fear.  We can't do both, its either one or the other. I was clearly reminded of this yesterday as it hit me upside the head.    You will not be free unless you can cast all your cares upon Him as He suggests in the verse above in 1 Peter.  

I mean seriously, do we actually think our shoulders are bigger than Gods hands?  Lets not forget who holds the whole world and it isn't you or I.

Hold Fast

     The other day I was talking with friends and we were recalling our friendships and how they started.  Its funny that before each one of those friendships began, the enemy tried to detour them in different but similar ways.  In one instance with one of these friends, the enemy began to fill my head with thoughts that were unfair about this person I had never met, but had heard much about.  The things that I had heard about were not anything bad but with the help of the enemy I listened briefly (my first mistake), to those thoughts he placed in my head about that person trying to create an area of doubt in my mind about them…before I ever even set eyes on him or spoken a word. Its funny to think now how ridiculous it was, but I am human.  After I quickly got over myself and began discerning those thoughts and their origin, I was blessed with the opportunity to actually meet him.  From the moment we met, it has been a life changer for me as I felt we bonded nearly immediately, something in the Spirit.

     My other friend, I felt led immediately by the Holy Spirit to approach, because I was drawn to her so much, and we had never really “officially” met.  After a church service one day I, without another thought, went directly to her and we began to talk.  I believe the first words out of my mouth were, “can I talk to you about something” because some how, in the Spirit, I just KNEW I could.  I never gave the enemy the chance to place anything in my head about her, but afterward he sure tried to get to work by using someone else to try and talk me out of befriending and being able to trust her.  I took a step back briefly, took a deep breath, and immediately sought wisdom and discerned that the voice giving the “warning” was that of the enemy who clearly did not want me to get close to this person.  At the time it was a bit puzzling as to the reasons behind it, now its clear.

Now both of these people are two of my best friends, and I love them both dearly and consider them family to me.  We have stood together, prayed together, cried together,   continue to get challenged to grow in the Lord and continue to press on despite circumstances.  I see much ministry together in our future.  These are friendships that are sown into GOOD ground.

1 Thessalonians 5: 21 But examine everything carefully; hold fast to that which is good;

 Isn’t it something how the enemy just knows a good thing of value and wants to do whatever he can to stop it in its tracks if he can with whatever ground we give him.

Satan only bothers people who are doing something for God. He only attacks those who are making an impact and he only steals, or attempts to steal what is of value. If he is attempting to steal from you, it is for one reason; he knows it is of great value and he has to do anything he can to stop your call from coming to full fruition in your life.  The good news is that he doesn't have the power to stop that in you. Only you have that power and if you refuse to let go, otherwise it will remain in your heart and keep growing. It will grow and burn brighter until it has come to fruition and you see it manifest. 

My friend said the other day “Sometimes the struggle between what’s right and what’s comfortable is REAL”

There is something that God has put in your heart.  You feel you have fought for it and still haven’t seen it come to pass.   You KNOW clearly what God is calling you to do, so much so that the burning within you intensifies with each passing second.  It may seem more comfortable to stay where you are, but in that there is no growth.  To stay stagnant, unmoving, not growing, or reverting backwards can spell doom and depression, even imminent death for the passionate God chaser and life embracer. I think one of the worst things for any person, would be to not become or do all God meant for them to become or do.  That would be like deliberately keeping a baby in a womb when the mothers body is going through labor and trying to expel it.  It would be certain death for both of them.   When that is inside you, one must go hard after the things God has called us to and wants for us. Moving forward means stepping out of one season into the next.  It can mean stepping away from people you adore and even some you are happy to leave in that season.  It may be having no idea of what the next step is, but trusting God, by faith, that He has it all mapped out.  It might mean dealing with tears of grief and the joy of excitement all bottled up into one.  It might mean feeling like you are climbing up a hill both ways, naked, in below zero temps, numbing wind at your forefront, in snow that is 20 feet deep, all the while trying to keep from sinking down in and  also freezing to death, yet still having peace about the direction you are going.  Don’t give up, and don’t stop believing.  If the enemy has attempted to steal it, it can only be because he sees what you will do with it, he sees the value in it for Kingdom building.  Hold tightly to it.  Its yours, sown in the good ground of your heart, and you will see it come to pass.  Its time we learn to hold fast and refuse to let go of what God has placed there, or allow it to be stolen.  Onward, and upward.

Hebrews 10:23 Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promised is faithful;