To Kill or Kindle

        I had the opportunity this weekend to go through some of my Fathers things that have been sitting in boxes for 15 years.  I found so many cool things that blessed my socks off and brought tears to my eyes. My brother and I spent some time going through his things and scanning what we could.  During this time I found out somethings about my Dad that I didn't know or wasn't aware of.  I found out that he had been the organizer of the beauty pageants and was very involved in pageants and he was President of the organization that was in charge of putting them on for the county.  The winners would then head off to the state competition etc...   I was a bit shocked and amused by that.  I also learned of something that absolutely tore my heart out, and brought me to tears.  I am not sure why we were never told or maybe family just assumed we knew, but we didn't, yet was very public information.  In the early 70's my Dad, who was target shooting with another person, accidentally shot and killed a man while in a target shooting area, but he had no idea.  Apparently one of his bullets missed the target and went far enough to hit another man who was hunting quite a distance away.  The man was not even found until the next day and nobody, for quite some time knew what had happened until the investigation was complete, and was later ruled an accident.  My brother and I would have been babies really, so of course we had no idea. To find this out, revealed so very much about my Dad, that now makes so much sense to both my brother and I. 
 My heart just broke for him and I have wept, but yet it was almost like the missing piece of trying to understand some choices my Dad made in his life, as he clearly spent a lot of his life "running" from pain, from hurt, from fear, and often used "bandaides" to deal with it all .  God bless him, as an adult I see it so much more clearly.  My Dad had a heart of gold and would have given you the shirt off his back, and I know that this is part of what destroyed him inside, and yet it was an accident.  I could not even begin to imagine the devastation and having to deal with such a thing, for the REST of your life, knowing that you killed a man accidentally and that there is nothing you can do to fix it. 
What he did was accidental, unintentional, and I know if he could have taken it back, he would have without question.
  Some of you may be upset that I have even brought up such a tragic thing, let alone about my Dad, may he rest in peace.  His ordeal was a very public one and no doubt, painful.  I know that If I can use his story and situation to help someone else, in whatever way, then he would be thrilled at that.  Many of you may be thinking "What? I've never shot and killed anyone!  I've never even shot a gun!".  While this may be true, we kill people all the time.  We kill them with our words, or our actions, our negativity.  We may not kill them completely but we may kill parts of them....maybe even unintentionally.  We kill their hopes, their dreams, maybe even their passions.  We kill them with lies every time we fail to be truthful to others in any situation.  We kill atmospheres by bringing in bitterness, doubt or fear.  We can kill others potentials when we don't live up to our own.  I don't even want to think about how many times I have possibly been responsible for this in my life because maybe, I was a death voice to someone. 
 "Life voices" will encourage you into your next season, "death voices", on the other hand, will discourage you, hold you back, cause doubt and confusion, and try to keep you from your next season.  How many times have you spoken into someones life and what you said did not go along with Gods Word? Painful but true, I think even with the best intentions we may all be guilty at some point or another of being killers because of what came out of our mouths, or due to our actions.  

  Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen (Ephesians 4:29).

The mouth of the righteous is a fountain of life (Proverbs 10:11)

So many people this time of year are talking about or thinking about New Years resolutions.  I am not about promoting resolutions really because if change needs to be made, why wait until the New Year, but it just so happens to be that New Years is a couple days away.  So, if you are thinking about a resolution, this would be a good one...."Stopping to think...... are you a life or death voice to someone in any situation?"
With the Holy Spirits leading, find ways to encourage people positively, truthfully, and genuinely.  You can be in a situation and negative circumstance, and still look for, and speak about the positive.  Become the light in the darkness, as we are called to do as Christians.  Its a daily, minute by minute decision you will have to make, but you have the opportunity to kill someones spirit, or to kindle it.  I believe we can all tell the truth in love, but its a choice.  My Dad could not change what happened to him, but we have a choice every day on how we are sowing into the lives of others, or how we are affecting them. We may not be able to change what has happened in the past, but we can choose our words and actions of the future.  Choose to live intentionally.  Kindle the flame of others, don't be a killer of it.

Insanity or Change

     A few years ago in a post, I wrote about a time when I was super hungry and stopped by a restaurant to get food and got onion rings.  As I was driving I placed those onion rings, in their container, between my knees while trying to open the dipping sauce.  As I was going around a curve in the road, the onion rings dumped all over the floor of my car.  I was so hungry so I was super upset.  You can read more about that in: 5 Second Rule  http://divineirrigation.blogspot.com/2012/07/5-second-rule.html
Since then, you would think that I would have learned my lesson....you'd thnk.  All that aside, anyone who has ever ridden with myself and my daughters in a car at the same time for any period of time, is either begging to get out quickly there after, or is laughing, yelling, singing or joking right along with us.  We are always up to something.
So last summer I was with my girls, and we had pulling into a fast food line, and my youngest daughter reminded me of my onion ring story.  She said "Mom, tell us the story again about the onion rings".  I quickly responded with a "NO!" because I didn't want to think about how stupid I felt that I had dropped them.  After pulling out of the drive thru, again, same situation.  Fries between my knees trying to open my ranch, and down to the floor they went. Seriously?! I COULD NOT believe it.  My girls laughed hysterically, but I was soooo mad.  When they realized I truly was irritated, they offered some of their fries to me, after I jokingly said to them that I would take theirs if they didn't stop laughing.  Then we all laughed at how stupid and funny it was that I had done it again.
     Last night I was with my oldest daughter, again, the rare moment of pulling out of a drive thru after a busy evening.  We began laughing about the previous times, over the years, that I dropped my fries while driving.  Before proceeding, I stopped my car promptly in the parking lot to be sure that while I was opening my sauce that I did NOT drop my fries, that I had situated, once again, between my knees.  I was so proud of myself that I had actually thought to do so.  However, after celebrating my victory briefly in my mind, it all came to a crashing halt.  In my mini-celebration I became ever so slightly over confident, and as I moved forward thinking I had secured this moment as history, I then realized I had not actually secured my fries - AGAIN!  As I started driving in my confidence, of course, down my fries went, straight to the floor.  I screamed, and Kennedy choked on her food and spit out what was in her mouth she was laughing so hard.  I was SOOO MAD, but I did slightly laugh in disbelief.  I had nobody to blame but myself.  Without question, many of you may be yelling, "DUH Jen, why would you do that again?" I know, I KNOW! :)
  God in His sense of humor and wisdom often uses my own stories of stupidity to bring across a point to share in ministry, He is so good like that. I laugh because He knows my sense of humor so well, and also my willingness, long ago, to be a willing vessel for Him. I'm just thankful for the ability and grace to be able to laugh at myself in the process. 
     The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over, and expecting a different result.  How often, though, have we gone to God and prayed for Him to change a situation or especially a situation with a specific person, expecting Him to do the changing, yet seldomly taking a long hard honest look at our own hearts.  Ouch!  We pray and pray again and again, and maybe even become frustrated with God because we don't see the situation or the person changing.   I have learned over the years that often, the first examination we need to do when we feel a certain way about a situation, is to examine our own hearts.  That really can be tough if we  are certain that it is someone else that is the one who really needs to change.  Its not that someone else in your situation doesn't need to have a heart change, but they may not be the only one.  That truly is something that can be a concept that is hard to swallow, but often it can be truth.  It can be a difficult place to be, examining our own hearts and taking that long hard look.  When one does this, its a spot of vulnerability but can really be a place where tremendous growth can take place. It causes you to have to be transparently honest, even if its just with yourself.   
Take time to ask yourself if change needs to take place in your own heart.  At what point in the situation did you feel things made a turn?  How did you react or not react,  or what could you have done differently? Most importantly, however, what would Jesus tell you to do?
The blame game really never does anyone any good. Truly the best way to have a heart change toward someone is to, not only pray for them but to, ask God to show you how to look at them with Jesus glasses on. Then, ask Him to point out the areas of your own heart you might need to change, that might best help that situation, or situations.  You can choose to continue to look at the situation the same as you always have, and then get irritated after you have prayed a million times, only to have things turn out the same.   However, you COULD continue to pray for that person and for that situation and ALSO sincerely for yourself, asking God to show you any needed heart changes you may need to make.  You just might be surprised what God might be trying to show YOU.  

Where Your Peace Lies

     Years ago, when sitting down and talking with one of my best friends, her advice to me was "Go where your peace lies".  I remember it like it was yesterday, those words affected me deeply down to my soul because they were full of truth - Gods truth.  I remember the conversation ended with that because there was really nothing more to say, she was absolutely right in her advice.  Since then I have, apparently, used that phrase several times with my oldest daughter when giving her advice.  I never realized she was REALLY listening, until the other day when discussing a situation, she said to me "I remember you always told me to go where my peace lies, so that is what I try to do". Well as you can imagine, this mommas heart was overwhelmed with joy as my own child was reflecting on those truths.  
     The opposite of peace is frustration.  When we allow ourselves to get frustrated, its probably not going to end well. We may say or do things that we will regret, or make decisions we wouldn't have made, if we had not be frustrated, if we had been in peace.  God's word has called us to peace (Colossians 3:15).  If we are walking in frustration then we are not walking in peace, His is a covenant of peace.
    Frustration likes to rear is ugly head in our lives now and then.
I still believe that everything is a choice.  We get to decide if we are going to respond like the world or like the Word.  I personally have been guilty more times that I'd like to admit, over the course of my life, of not choosing well. It certainly takes discipline.  I have found that I can be frustrated at a bunch of little things or I can ask God to help me and instead respond in patience, love and peace.
I make myself often stop when I feel that frustration sneaking in trying to take a hold.  I stop and breathe and evaluate my thoughts.  Are my thoughts ones of fear and frustration?  If they are, then I know that those are not of God.  God makes very clear in His Word (2 Timothy 1:7), that He does not give us the Spirit of Fear, but one of power and of love and of a sound mind.  Frustration is not having a sound mind.
I have often felt that we settle for far less than what God has promised us.  I also feel that we often tolerate things that we have been redeemed from, things that we no longer have to tolerate.  Frustration and its effects on our lives are one of those things.
We have an opportunity every day to be frustrated with circumstances or to go where our peace lies. When little things frustrate you, take a moment and respond according to the Word of God instead of allowing things to prod or push you right out of peace.  Its something, truly, to practice daily, but its definitely worth it.  Always remember to go where your peace lies, which is where God will always lead you.  Blessings

Love Your Journey

     After spending a day doing ministry with some of my closest friends, we made one last stop for ice cream and were heading home.  We had been talking about the seasons of life, contentment, and how we are just at a point of being okay with us, with who we are.  I began to think about how comfortable I am with people that specifically God has placed in my life as "family", blood related or not. I didn't have to chase them, pay them, or beg them to be part of my life.  It's not by accident, God knows exactly who we need in our lives to be real with, through good times and bad. Those people who are there for you in all kinds of weather when we need them, for support, unfiltered honesty, for laughter in fun, and for love when we hurt...those people who can be Jesus with skin on because the love of Jesus shines right through them into your life.  It is with those people I have always felt "at home" just being me as they have always loved me right where I was at. It may have been in laughter and or in tears, but they have been there. They fit my life like a cozy slipper, and I've learned over time that its okay to just be, and embrace ME.

 In the last month I have been thinking a lot about "Who I am".  I actually finally feel like I am at a point in my life where I am comfortable in my own skin, in who God made me to be.  Don't get me wrong, I don't think I am perfect by any means.  I need to lose weight, I have psoriasis, I'm impatient, I have wrinkles and a couple of gray hairs etc... and the list goes on...  but I am okay with me.   I have had, in the last month, two people at two different times, say that they appreciated me because I was "authentic".  My thought was, "Haven't I always been?", but the truth is that I haven't.  I think I spent a lot of my life striving to be what I thought someone people might like, to try and be accepted. Becoming a bit of an over achiever because maybe it would make others proud of me or like me...because in my heart I didn't feel good enough just being me.  I had believed the lie that God left me in lack when He created me. That is a lie from the pit of Hell.  The truth is that God didn't miss one single beat when creating me, or when He created you.  

I realize in many ways I am different, and I don't even have to try.  I have also come to discover that is not a bad thing, its actually a good thing. I also have discovered that there will always be some people that love it and some that don't.   If we were all created the same, then what a boring world this would be.  I think people work too hard at TRYING to be different in this world, when they really are just trying to just feel loved and accepted, something ALL PEOPLE desire.   Now there's a twist, huh?!  All we really have to do is relax and breathe, and just be.  God made us all with unique gifts and talents. Some gifts and talents people may have are as obvious as a strobe light in a dark room, and others are as obvious as a tiny birthmark on your back side.  Both giftings are equally important. Often we get caught up in looking over the fence at what we think is the greener grass.  Don't! 

 The minute you find yourself feeling jealous of another soul about anything, is the minute you are admitting, maybe only to yourself, that lie that God didn't make you enough. It is a lie, YOU are lacking NOTHING.  Focusing time on such a lie keeps you from moving forward.

Watching people discover and succeed at their God given gifts and the race God has set for them, should get you excited. Truth is, that when it annoys you, it's time to check your own insecurities. God has blessed us all with different gifts and abilities. Some are similar but It's so cool that we are all truly unique. If you are truly running the race that God has you on, you are in competition with NO ONE. If you feel like you are, check to see if you are trying run your path or someone else's. God has a specific plan and purpose for your life, embrace it.   Don't get tripped up trying to shine your light on another's path chasing their shadow. Instead shine bright in the confidence He had when he made you.  Embrace the differences, always trying to be the very BEST version of YOU, and love your journey. 

Photo Credit: Sean D. Mullins