Got Time?!

     Nearly every Wednesday evening I head to church for praise and worship, service, and then rehearsal. Every time I arrive, I am sweetly greeted by the two most precious little ones (about 2 and 3 years old), who are there sitting in their seats while their grandparents are greeting people at the door. Like clockwork, I set my things down and go to where they are and sit down and read them a book before I head to the platform to sing. Last night was no different, except that I felt I was running late and came flying in the door not even thinking about anything but getting inside, setting my things down and well...just not being late. I raced in, set my things down, and as I was taking my coat off, I hear these sweet tiny voices from the back of the church saying "hi, hi". When I looked back I saw these little angels waving a book at me. I smiled, took a look at the clock, and realized how much I didnt care how close we were to the start of the service, and that I was gonna go sit down with these eager little ones and read the same book I always do and with as much animation and character as I try to without rushing. As I read, they listened intently with bated breath as if they have never ever heard me read that same story before to them....which made me laugh inside and smile on the outside. I was then reminded on how God waits for us. Hes a gentleman and wont force Himself on you, but wants you to take time for Him. He already knows whats going on in your heart and what you are walking through, but is there to listen eagerly as we share our heart with Him. So often, however in the rush of life, we don't take time to sit and talk to Him. We may often think on Him but how often do we think TO HIM. I'm guilty, I've done it, although I work hard to not be that way with Him in my life.
He is there ALWAYS, patiently waiting with that still small voice in the midst of your busyness saying "hi hi" and maybe waiving to you, hoping to get some of your time. He is ready to listen to you and share with you. Give Him time today, wont you?!

Filling Your Cracks

     Several weeks ago when I was circled up and praying with some friends before a worship event, the Lord placed a picture in my mind of a heart.  Picture, if you will, a heart that you might see on a Valentines Day card, only this heart had several cracks through out it.  As I was seeing this picture in my head the Lord revealed to me that those hearts were representative of hearts belonging to people.  I assumed as we were heading into a youth conference that it had to do with youth, and it did, but it also had to do with all people, especially myself.  Now imagine a windshield.  When a windshield gets a crack in it, even if its very very small, if left unattended to, the crack will begin to get larger, and probably begin to web out with other cracks over the window until its so big that it could be beyond repair.  Thankfully there are mechanics out there that know how to properly repair windshields, and can do so beautifully enough that the original crack is undetectable. If I personally was left to fix it myself, not knowing what I was doing, I might take denture cream an try to fix it.  Denture cream is a sealant, but not the right kind of sealant.  I would end up with an even bigger mess than what I started with and probably, in the process, end up with a few more cracks that what I started with.   You may be wondering how that has anything to do with a heart, but the Lord showed me that we all have probably suffered, and maybe still suffer from brokenness in our hearts.  It may have to do with choices we have made for ourselves, something that someone else chose for us, did to us, something that happened to us and everything in between, along with the possible consequences for those choices.  In my life personally I dealt with an alcoholic father who tried hard to love me the best way he knew how, but for him life was difficult to see past his addiction.  I felt the cracks of rejection and abandonment.    Fresh out of college, I went through an unexpected, unplanned divorce that resulted in me feeling the cracks of feeling undesirable and unworthy.   I remarried and then was widowed at age 30 and left as a single parent.  Just four short months after burying my husband, my own father died.  Again, I felt the cracks of abandonment, and the guilt of not being able to do enough or be enough.  I realize those are major life happenings, but no matter how big or small you may think of an event, it may have left a laceration in your heart if it was something that affected you. Without realizing it we often try to fill those cracks, or voids, if you will, with spackle that just isn't meant to be a crack filler.  My own father, who dealt with his own issues of rejection, turned to alcohol to fill the brokenness.  The only thing it was able to do was cause more breakage, not only in his heart, but also in the hearts of those who loved him.  Some turn to drugs, gangs, and pornography which can lead to further cracks of addiction, lust and people pleasing.  Others like me have turned to shopping, food, exercise, work, people, or things to fill those cracks, but in truth those can add additional cracks of debt, obesity, obsession,  and unhealthy relationships.  I remember when I was widowed, I vowed to myself that I would not band-aide the pain, but to make myself walk through and deal with the hurt of loss, to grieve and not avoid it, knowing that healing was on the other side. 
 I did a pretty good job, but then used my 8 month old daughter, who had just lost her father and was surely grieving, and tried to buy her things to "make it better",  In truth, I was only trying to fill the void in my own life with things I bought for her.  I was lying to myself.   Thankfully  the Lord showed me, and I was able to be honest enough with myself that I saw what I was doing and stopped. I had leaned on the Lord for so much, but for some reason had been in denial of this particular area in my life.  We cannot be set free while living in denial.   Even if the Lord shows us our area of brokenness, we have to be honest enough with ourselves to admit it, repent, and be ready to be delivered. 
The Bible is very clear that The Lord is the healer of the broken hearted.  In Psalm 147:3 states just that.  "He heals the broken hearted and binds all their wounds." Psalm 34:18 says that "The Lord is close to the brokenhearted: he rescues those whose spirits are crushed."  Knowing this is so, why then, do we turn to "things" to be crack fillers that we know wont work. Unfortunately, we are a world of sweeping things "under the rug" for fear of rejection, being misunderstood or unloved.   It may feel like filling the broken places with "things" will work for a time, but  eventually they fail.  I myself have tried to learn to hold every thought captive, and dissect each one to determine its origin.  Every action has a motive, which has a thought behind it which originated somewhere.  I hate to sound all scientific but its reality.  Ask the Lord to lead you in tracing back those cracks in which you are trying to fill and what you are trying to fill them with.  You have to remember that you are fearfully and wonderfully made, and He is the creator of your heart.  He knows what is in it and how it works...nothing is hidden from God.  As good as I have gotten in holding my thoughts captive, I from time to time deal with a divot in my heart that needs attention, and in my flesh, have turned to things.  Most recently, did some minor retail therapy and reached out to a friend to try and avoid the battle I was feeling.  Now shopping in and of itself is not a bad thing. We all need to do some kind of shopping to get the things we need.  Also, being social with one of my best friends is not bad either and talking and spending time with him is always a blessing, but I needed to do the tracing of my thoughts and deal with the divot in my heart. This God given brother, reminded me of what I already knew in my heart, in so many words and that God is always the answer.   In this particular case I was dealing with lies the devil was feeding me that I  had started to buy into about being worthless, and not enough and I began to believe them about myself.  I avoided dealing with it immediately, even knowing they were lies.  Instead I had temporarily turned to "things" and a friend.  No friend ever wants to hear that you tried to use them as a crack filler, ha ha, although we got a good laugh out of it. ;)
Cracks can come in all shapes and sizes. ha ha.  They start out one size and if left unattended can get out of control.  Praise God that in our weakness He is strong.  2 Corinthians 12:9 says "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. 
 God is the best crack spackle anyone can turn to.  If you are feeling broken we don't have to try and fix it ourselves....we need to immediately bring it to God, the healer of all.  No matter how big or small, the Lord God can spackle them all back to healing and wholeness the way he created you.  It doesn't mean that we don't remember where those cracks came from, but those broken places do not become our identity.  God is our identity.  Psalm 73:26 says that thou my heart and flesh may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.  Hallelujah!  Isn't that exciting news!! Give those broken places to Him  instead of turning to "things", and let Him pour His love into you in whatever way necessary to seal off those areas of brokenness for good. Praise God!