Dealing With Rejection

    

  The most common phrase I hear people say when someone has dealt with rejection, is when they claim that they "don't care what anyone else thinks!"  Although there could be some truth to this, if we are honest its not 100% truth.  There will always be someone in your life that you care what they think, whether is be a spouse, parent, child, a best friend etc.... even if you never admit it to another soul, there is someone in your life where it matters.

The problem lies when we care too much what people think and begin to adjust WHO we are to gain some sort of acceptance.

Right now I want you to stop what you are doing and raise your hand.....if you are breathing, you have dealt with some sort of rejection in your life. I know that I have.  Sometimes the instinct or defense mechanism of many is to jump quickly and say "not me!" or "I'm fine, it doesn't matter". The quicker I usually see someone react this way, usually its the deeper the wound.  That defense response, which is understandable, is "reacting" to protect you from feeling vulnerable, I get it.   The truth is, however, the quickest way to healing and to move into a life of freedom is to admit that we have all dealt with rejection at some point in life to some degree.

  Lets be honest, rejection hurts.  Why?  Because it attacks the very person that you are.  It attacks the core of our self-esteem and attacks who we are and our very purpose in life.  It has to be one of the most common tools that the enemy uses to try to detour the path that God has laid for our lives in the attempt to try and destroy a persons life and make them feel worthless.  Rejection can cause you to analyze and question every single person you come across, and their motives.  It can cause you to shut people out before they have even had a chance.  It can also cause you to become extremely needy in your actions, because deep down...EVERYONE desires to be accepted.

Let me give you some serious TRUTH:

God never intended us to feel rejected, actually the opposite is true.  He CHOSE us.  He has a PLAN for our lives with a HOPE and a FUTURE.  He truly desires for you to know exactly WHO you are.  He ACCEPTS, LOVES and APPRECIATES you and wants you to live in the fullness of ALL that He has for you, a life of FREEDOM. I mean, after all, it is HE that created you and God doesn't make junk.  God's Word tells us that without being rooted and grounded in the love (and acceptance) of God, that we cannot experience the fullness that God has for us.

And to know the love of Christ, which passeth knowledge, that ye might be filled with the fullness of God.  Ephesians 3:19

Facebook is good for reminding us of posts from years back through their "Memories" link.  I find it interesting that exactly a year ago today I made a post where I admitted that I had been struggling with my worth for a couple of days, but finally had gotten my head out of a fog to recognize Satan's lies for exactly what they were.....LIES.  Rejection is just that, it attacks your worth....it tells you that you are not worthy.

Rejection has a way of destroying a persons life in a way that few other things can.  The sad thing is that the number of people affected by rejection is staggering.  If we want to be all that God created us to be, overcoming rejection is essential.

The root of rejection can begin in an endless amount of ways and result in fruits of unresolved emotional wounds, if not addressed, can grow and fester into emotional baggage against others, ourselves and God.  A big mistake I see people make A LOT is when rejected by someone else, a spouse, a friend etc......., they tend to try and run out to fill that void, the hurt, the empty feeling that left your heart gaping open. In a quick fix they try to fill it with another person, or fill it with things to try and feel loved or worthy again - another lie from the enemy.  The truth is that another person or things will never be able to fill that hole,.....God is the only one that can truly do that.  Until we allow Him to fill that space and heal the broken places, that space will never be fully filled.

The truth is that we were created to be loved, accepted, and appreciated. Rejection opposes the very nature that God created in us.  Rejection starves a person from love and acceptance that they were designed to receive.  The problem is that when we turn to others or even ourselves for that love and acceptance, we are setting ourselves up for failure and the damage of rejection.  Only God can be trusted as the source of our identity.  We are actually loved with the same love that the Father has for Jesus himself.

John 17:23  I in them, and You in Me; that they may be made perfect in one, and that the world may know that You have sent Me, and have loved them as You have loved Me.

You will never settle rejection issues until you get into your spirit that you are LOVED, ACCEPTED AND APPRECIATED by God.  Dealing with religious strongholds is vital to this process because religion paints God as distant, cold and impersonal.  Its all about RELATIONSHIP.  Bringing your relationship with God into proper perspective is key to overcoming the strongholds of rejection.

Tearing down rejection strongholds is as simple as receiving, with childlike faith, that what God's Word has to say about it and your identity is TRUE. That who you are as a new creature in Christ to a life of purpose and meaning through Jesus Christ.

The Holy Spirit has been faithful to show me that when we feel the hurt or pain that rejection brings, that it is because we have placed our identity into what that person thinks of us.  If our identity didn't depend on what others think of us, we would be immune from the damage of rejection.  THIS is why our identity must be based upon God's Word and what HE says.  Are you building your house upon the ROCK or upon sand?

Wounds of rejection can run deep and there is no doubt that it can cut to the core especially when its from someone you trusted or who was close to your heart.  I have seen its effects from the past in my own life.  Forgiveness is also key.  (I can hear some of your groans).  Forgiving that person who has rejected us is vital.  If we want God's help in the healing process, then forgiveness is not an option.  

I want to encourage you to study what God says about you in the Bible. I always encourage my friends to write down the lies they believe about themselves and combat it with a Bible verse of truth of what God says. 

I personally journal daily whatever is on my heart about anything, but especially when I am struggling with something.  I then find a verse that speaks truth over that situation.  The enemies goal is to fill our head with lies lies lies.....he desperately wants you to buy in.  DON'T DO IT.  Instead, meditate on God's Word and the truth of what He says about you.  The enemy comes to steal kill and destroy by whatever means He can, and getting into your head is the first step.  So fill your head and your heart instead with true, noble, right, pure and lovely things (Philippians 4:8).  Make a habit of it, do it daily and let TRUTH flow from your heart.  Blessings

What About Memories?

     If you are familiar with Facebook at all, you know that there is a "memories" button where they give you to opportunity to see all that you have posted on this day, every year, for as long as you have been on Facebook.  I actually love and appreciate this part of Facebook because it allows me to see photos I had forgotten about or it reminds me of things that happened of days gone by. Some of these memories are good, some not so good and everything in between.
Today as I pulled up my memories section, I had a plethora of memories and the various emotions to go with all of them.   Last year I had photos from a bon fire with my best friends and family the night before and then another set of photos from being out to eat after church for Sunday dinner with both family and friends. I also had one from few years ago, pictures from doing prison ministry with my best friends, and what a blessing that was.  Then I had a post after my best friend lost his beloved pet and the sadness that went with that.  Then another one from being without power for several days after a storm and the dilemmas that go with that, along with the announcement of some shocking celebrity deaths that had occurred that week.
   When I look at the full range of emotions that went along with all that I had posted over the years, I began to wonder about memories.  My first reaction to my own question was that memories are a wonderful thing, but then I began to think about painful memories I have in my life of experiences in my past.  Pains of loss, and hurt.  Pains of rejection, and fear...the not so good ones.
Psalm 103: 1-2
103 Bless the Lord, O my soul;
And all that is within me, bless His holy name!
² Bless the Lord, O my soul,
And forget not all His benefits

 Memory is such a remarkable thing. I can think of no more dreadful, tragic disease than Alzheimer’s or dementia. I have been blessed with a good mind, analytical and perceptive, and I admit I fear losing those cognitive skills more than I fear cancer or heart trouble … not that I am inviting any of them!   My step-dad always uses a funny statement when he can't remember something "Of all the things I have lost, I miss my mind the most".  He says it jokingly, but if you suffer from one of the above mentioned disease's, its not so funny, its a very true statement.

As we get older, its true that we don't have the ability to recall things like maybe we once did.  I joke with my husband that he can remember what tools he needs to get for his motorcycle build, but can't remember where I told him I was going 20 minutes earlier. Ha ha

     The human brain is truly a phenomenal piece of art work that God created.  God gave us the ability to recall a ridiculous amount of information and the ability to categorize it.

When dealing with painful memories, its easy to wonder why God would give us the ability to do this.  The honest truth is....so that we remember. There are so many things we need to remember even though we would like to forget some. What is the saying.... if we do not learn from the past, we are destined to repeat it.  Life lessons are truly important that we remember so we don't repeat it.  They are important to remember so that we can pass the knowledge down to our children so they don't make the same mistakes.  This is one reason I am and have been so open with my children about my life...past and present.

But what about the painful, hurtful, gut-wrenching memories....the ones bathed in tears?  Yes, we remember those as well.

     Holding my husband Todd's hand as he took his last breath and died with his mouth and eyes open as his body became lifeless and the doctor nodding to me that his heart had stopped beating even though they did everything they could to save him.  The numbness that I felt in my own body as if I was living someone else's nightmare, but it was mine.  Death is not a pretty thing....they portray it unrealistically on TV.  I will have that memory forever ingrained in my head...but never the less, its a memory.

Memories are God's gift in so many ways....stick with me on this......  The good ones, the tender ones that make us smile and bring joy, are Gods gift to us to celebrate and remember various people, things and experiences...these are the kinds we strive for.   The tough ones, the ones that bring tears to your eyes and leave an ache in your heart..  God doesn't want us to be paralyzed by these tough memories.  He wants to lead us to healing if we will ask him to.

 Psalm 102:17 says, “God will respond to the prayer of the destitute; he will not despise their plea.”

God can be the healer of your damaged emotions and memories.  Don't let what happened in your past control your present and determine your future. 

 Philippians 3:13: “But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead … I press on.”

While pressing on, I want you to take a look at a different perspective in those tough memories and how they can actually be a gift...maybe not to YOU, but maybe to someone else.

What have I done in my life with that tragic experience....that memory of death ingrained in my brain forever?  I can tell you that I have used that experience of death countless times in my life as I have walked with others through their own losses.  I have let them know, after my experience nearly 18 years earlier, that they indeed are not crazy, with all of the emotions they are walking through, but that the full range of emotions they are dealing with....all normal.  The billion questions that come to ones mind when they wonder how they will even begin to walk through such a devastation.....my memories allows me to love them through it right where they are.  When they feel alone, or judged or confused....my memories allow me to hold their hand and assure them that its okay to go on with life at their own pace, that there is no time frame for grief.  

This brings me to my final thought on memories, the trusting ones.  Along with those tender and tough memories, we cannot forget about the trusting ones.  These are the ones that allow us to remember God's faithfulness in His promises.  

I will never forget in this last year when I was having a moment of fearful panic over a life situation, being unsure of how I was going to get through it.  I remember my best friend calling me, not mincing words for one second, saying it the only truthfully direct, loving, and gifted way OUR friendship allows, "Jen, lets think of all the times that God has failed you???  Oh yea, that's right...there isn't any!!" Ha ha.  I will never forget that sweet slap back to reality across the phone lines that I needed, and he knew it.  I'm so thankful for that memory that brought me back to my own trusting memories.   It is imperative to have trust memories, but they must result in some positive action. Trust memories are designed to inspire us to continue trusting in the Lord. Let me encourage you to study some verses in trusting God.  Here are a couple to start with.

Proverbs 3:5-6  "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.  In all your ways acknowledge Him and he will make your path straight"

Jeremiah 17:7

“But blessed is the one who trusts in the Lord,
    whose confidence is in him.
⁸ They will be like a tree planted by the water
    that sends out its roots by the stream.
It does not fear when heat comes;
    its leaves are always green.
It has no worries in a year of drought
    and never fails to bear fruit.”

     Memory is a great gift from God. Use it in the most positive way that you can. Rehearse your tender memories and laugh, remembering the joys. Recall your tough memories and how God saw you through them, and then relate your trust memories along with those who may need to hear them, to instill trust in them as well. May the past mercies of God serve as an assurance for the present and a hope for the future!

Thank you God for ALL of our memories, may we use them to continue to build YOUR kingdom!

Ladies ONLY: Chocolate Chip or Raisin?

  Have you ever been so hungry that while shopping in a bakery, you grab quickly what you think are homemade chocolate chip cookies, only to get them home, take a bite and realize that they are raisin cookies?  I have done this and let me tell you that I am not a fan of raisins, so I wasn't any too happy when I bit into them.  Had I taken time to look deeper past the surface, stopped and used wisdom in my head, instead of the hunger in my gut, and slowed down a bit, I may not have made such goof up in judgment.
  I have sat back and watched women for years....young women, old women, and every age in between, in a world that promotes women equality and empowerment, and is big on GIRL POWER, try and chase men down this way.  Listen, I have nothing against strong women, but there is something to be said for being pursued.  It seems that some are so hungry to get connected to someone, that the first man that smiles their way or is kind to them, they latch on and obsess over without letting him up for a breath.   You may think he's a "chocolate chip cookie", but he could be "raisin".   I already know what you are thinking....that is a stupid comparison.  Maybe so, and you are entitled to your opinion, but hear me out.  Sometimes we are so "hungry" for a mans attention that we don't even realize what we are doing. Ladies, a real man that is brought up correctly, should be nice to you when acknowledging you.  They should smile, be kind and genuine in their actions and they may even open the door for you.  This is called being polite and respectful.  It is not necessarily a green light for "I'm into you".  
Men are born hunters and providers.  They are created to lead, to be the head of the house. When you lead by initiating everything...every conversation, every moment to connect, and you are around every corner, you take away their chance to lead. 
I have had women over the years say to me about their significant other...."I'm just tired of always being the one to initiate everything".  I then ask...how is or was your dating life?  Did he/ is he pursuing you or was it you pursuing him?  Lots of times it turns out that they had/ have done the pursuing and NOW want to be pursued by the man,  yet the whole relationship thus far has been based on her pursuing him. 
See, you really wanted a chocolate chip, but didn't take time to see that it was really a raisin. Now you are mad because you got a raisin. 
Some of you, still annoyed that I am using a cookie comparison, are rolling your eyes and thinking....
"well he just doesn't know he wants me or that I am "the one" so I need to get his attention to let him know I am here."
Let me tell you something....
if God has a plan for your life, which he does, and His plan is for you to be with this man, whose attention you are trying so desperately to gain, don't you think God will let him in on the info???  Do you think that God would actually leave your "future husband" out of the loop on this?  If he is a man who is truly following after Gods own heart, which I assume is what you would want, don't you think HE would also hear the voice of God?
Maybe he IS the one, but he's also not a raisin fan, and he's taking his time to be sure he's indeed getting chocolate chip instead of raisin.  Maybe he's looking for peanut butter instead.  If that is the case, he's gonna wait on God to make sure he's got what he is looking for.  God works in His timing...the perfect timing, so trust it.
I get that the cookie analogy is starting to crumble....but you get the idea.  I am all about being straight forward.  You can let a man know you are interested, but then chill.  Let him pursue you. If it is indeed Gods plan, he will not fail to reveal it amazingly.   Guys aren't stupid...at least any guy worth your time shouldn't be.  They may see your interest but aren't feelin' it so they don't initiate.  They may be nice to you, but again, they may just be being polite, please don't mistake the two.  When your pursuit becomes over the top, its seen as neediness, and THAT, ladies and gentlemen, is not a turn on for any gender. Also again, its YOU pursuing him.  
So you may be asking "Then what can I do?".  First, take a deep breath.  Then look in the mirror and say this;
God did not make a mistake when creating me, I was fearfully and wonderfully made.  He has a plan for my life, one with a hope and a future, and He has created me ENOUGH. 
Then refocus your pursuit on God, on His complete direction for your life.  Focus on the gifts and talents He has given you.  Focus on being the daughter of the King and how precious you are in His sight. Keep running your race that He has marked out for you and do it with joy.  You should be running that race so focused on God that you may actually all of a sudden notice  coming up beside you, the man He has planned for you also running His race, part of which may be pursuing you. 
Don't lose heart Beautiful....He has not forsaken you, but let His plan unfold in His timing, for it is PERFECT.

    

Clean Slate

     Being a teacher as long as I have, you figure out that you will always have some “problem students” or those that are more challenging, simply because they battle anyone who is in authority over them.

Not to long ago, I had someone say to me “I dont know why you are so nice to them, they have no respect for anyone and Im tired of dealing with them, but EVERYDAY you are nice to them?!”  I simply said, without hesitation;  “I believe everyone should start with a clean slate regardless of what happened the day before”.

They  just shook their head in disbelief. I really did understand the reasoning and frustration behind the comment, but I still believe what I believe. The comment did bother me a bit, not personally, but what that person said just didn’t settle right in my Spirit....then in true “Jen fashion” I began to dissect my thoughts to better try and understand what I was feeling...then it hit me and I smiled to myself.

Lamentations 3:22-23

Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed,

    for his compassions never fail.
²³ They are new every morning;
    great is your faithfulness

Thank God, these are my Lords promises.  Thank God He allows us to fail, day after day after day and yet still loves us and still treats us with respect.  This doesn't mean He agrees with our choices or even that He is thrilled with them.  It doesn't mean that we don't drive Him nuts when we don't choose His wisdom, and that we don't break His heart when we choose poorly. What it does mean is that He continues to love us, continues to wipe our tears after we fail, continues to pick us back up and dust us off after we fail to heed his wisdom.  His mercies NEW every morning.  Should we not walk and treat others with the grace that He gives us?  Should we not love people RIGHT WHERE THEY ARE????
If He loves us in such a beautiful way, shouldn't we treat others with the same grace?

Being Guarded vs Guarding Your Heart

     I am blessed with friendships where I am allowed to just think out loud if I need to among my close circle of friends.  I am thankful for those opportunities that allow me to do just that to sort out what I may be walking through, getting honest loving feedback.  I have asked God recently to search my heart and find places that need fixing because they are not conducive to ministry as I recognize more and more in His timing as He calls me in that direction.  Today, as I was speaking to one of my best friends, was one of those times where I could express that I knew God has been dealing with me on the differences between being guarded vs guarding my heart.  The Bible states that we are indeed to guard our hearts. Proverbs 4:23 Guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.
Guarding your heart says;
"I'm doing what's best for me", 
vs being guarded that says; 
 "I'm defending myself against anything that could potentially hurt me!"

It's not been a secret that I have had some hurts in my life.  Ive been very open about loss in my life.  From losing my husband and father to death years ago, but also some hurts of losing very close friendships due to some circumstances out of my control.  These extremes have caused me to both hold loyalty, honesty and trust in extremely high regard in my friendships/ relationships, and keep those qualities woven deeply into my core.  It has made me  protective of those that I love, but it has also had an affect of me being very guarded at times with people. 
I do understand that we are indeed to guard our hearts, but I can see where I have been extremely guarded at times.  There is a difference between the two. 
 The first means that you are aware of yourself, your wants, your needs and you are in tune with your spirit.  Being guarded, however, is when you are defending yourself from getting hurt, meanwhile not doing anything to let that heart heal.  We've all been there before.  You may have had a broken heart, broken relationship that left you feeling broken and bitter, hurt, angry and defensive.  At that point you would do anything to protect it, so you put up walls, or cut people off without explanation, or even jump to conclusions assuming the worst about people.  When we lead a life that is guarded, we limit ourselves to what God has for us, and how He wants to fully use us.  Lets be real, being guarded, really isn't conducive to ministry now is it.  
It IS important to guard your heart.  Everyone you meet should not have access to it, they are not meant to.  Proverbs 4:23 states that your heart is "the wellspring of life".  When you guard your heart you are applying wisdom to the situation.  One who guards their heart leans on wisdom the of Lord, seeks knowledge, weighs answers, responds with confidence and sound judgment.  After all when you do guard your heart the goal is to  remove anything or any one's influence that can taint your thinking or move your focus off of Him.  Guarding your heart involves recognizing risk and reward and exercising right judgment.  Being guarded, however, only places you in survival mode.  Being in survival mode is not conducive to moving forward in life.
Fear is the root of being guarded.  Fear of getting hurt, or being disappointed.  Guarding your heart, however, involves courage and discipline. Guarding your heart involves setting boundaries, and being able to say no.  It also involves being bold enough to stand for what you believe is right and best for you or your situation.  
Recognizing the difference between the two is vital to moving forward in life.  One will hold you back, the other will push you forward.  Trust that God knows your heart top to bottom, front to back.  He knows every single nook and cranny of your heart and every single tear you have ever shed.  If you are battling with being guarded, allow enough room in your heart for God's peace.  He will pour His healing over you like oil, filling every broken place.  When you experience God's peace, that peace will guard your heart AND your mind.  Trust Him. 

 Philippians 4:6-7 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

In the Fog.....

     After spending several hours in the hospital with my youngest daughter yesterday, who while fighting an extremely high fever, was diagnosed with Influenza, we eventually we brought her home. I knew that she would be out of school the rest of the week, as well as me being home, from teaching school, to be with her.  
This morning both my  school corporation and the  school corporation my kids attend were blessed with 2 hour delays due to  heavy dense fog.  I was so thankful for that delay because it allowed me to run into my school while my oldest daughter was able to stay with my sick daughter and not feel super rushed to get everything done I needed to.
As I was driving through the dense thick fog in the dark, at one point I completely lost all visibility.  I was trying to hurry to get to the school and get things done, because I knew there would be a lot to do in a short amount of time to get copies made and plans laid out for 3 subjects and 4 different grade levels, for two days worth of lessons. 
When I lost all visibility, it only lasted for a second, but when I was able to see again, the road had curved and I nearly wrecked my vehicle by almost hitting a sign that was in the median.  I was able to quickly swerve and avoid crashing.  Already slightly anxious, that quick moment freaked me out. Although I had not felt as if I was originally going too fast for conditions at all, I slowed WAY WAY DOWN.  I took a deep breath and said "Thank you Lord!"  I then REALLY began to focus hard on the headlights shining to light my path, and focus intricately on every single inch of the roadway that I could see which wasn't more than a few feet ahead of my vehicle.
It was in that moment when I was driving, that God spoke to me in my spirit as He often does in regular daily activities.  He said;
"Sometimes we get so anxious about what is ahead in life that we actually lose focus and can then easily lose control when brought to a curve in our path."  He said, "Trust in the ONE that lights the path. Slow down, rest and focus in Me, trusting that I am indeed lighting the path at the right time and speed for My perfect plan."  (Psalm 119:105,  Proverbs 3:5-6).
   I just smiled and again said "Thank you Lord!".  I am always so appreciative of those moments of affirmation of His Word in my life. 
As you walk through the fog of life, trust Him. We often have no idea what is ahead and in our minds the struggle can be REAL.   Trust that He knows the way, and that He will perfectly light every single inch of the path at the proper time and place.  His timing is perfect for the specific plan He has on your life.  F.O.G also stands for Favor of God, so remind yourself today that when you dwell in the secret place of  the Most High God, you indeed walk in the shadow of  the Almighty, which includes  His favor and protection.  (Psalm 91).  Blessings to you and yours.

The Perfect Soil for Love and Healing

     Years ago, during a winter much like displayed here in the Midwest last week, with below zero temps, I had a pipe freeze at the house that I lived at.  It burst, spewing water shooting out from the wall into the garage and out to the driveway.  My boyfriend drove over quickly to help me deal with the situation.  When he arrived he assessed the situation and immediately knew what to do to shut the water off and take the next steps to begin to repair.  Some time during that time he came back into the house and he could tell by looking at me that I was not okay.  It was at that point I began to have an anxiety attack.  It was clear that he had never seen me in that type of mode before.  He stopped and looked at me and paused.  He then walked over to me and held on to me, hugging me tightly letting me cry.  He calmly and soothingly said to me "Jen, things like this happen.  The good news is that it is out in the garage and not spewing out into the house".  For me, this was a bit of a normal reaction to being traumatized an feeling out of control.  3 years prior, I had been widowed unexpectedly,  and also lost my father unexpectedly close together, within the same year.  My boyfriend, now husband, could have chosen to have a different reaction.  Trust me, years later when we recalled this incident, that moment was defining moment for him as well.  He could have easily said "I'm out, she's nuts", but instead he chose, to not only assess the burst pipe situation, but also assessed my anxiety situation.  He knew all that I had walked through just a couple years prior, and although it was not necessarily a normal reaction, he knew that for me it was my normal for where I was at, at that moment. He truly made a choice, in that moment, to put himself in my shoes and empathize with what I was dealing with. The emotions, the fear, the reality of me feeling like things were once again spinning out of control in my life, even in the most basic sense....the emotions were real.  One of his giftings, I can see now even more clearly since we have now been married for over 12 years, is remaining calm and being able to speak life to me when death voices feel like they are screaming chaos and confusion until I can get a hold of my own thoughts.  I witnessed this just a couple years ago again, when I was dealing with a full and challenging plate at work, coaching a full schedule, and had just found out my best friend, who received an unexpected job offer, that he may be moving across the country....it was just too much I was dealing with all at once.  I was struggling so much that I came home on my lunch hour one day to "step away", knowing my husband was home on vacation. He knew upon looking at me that I was struggling.  He listened intently, empathized with me, and opened his arms and just let me feel and cry, as he spoke words of love to me.  Once I was done letting my emotions out I had bottled, I was able to collect myself and head back to work.
    A few years ago, one of my best friends, who had just given a concert, stood and greeted every guest who was standing in line waiting to meet her.  As I was there assisting her with whatever needs she had, I listened as she poured love into each fan.  So many came up and shared their personal stories with her one after another.  She purposefully and intently looked them in the eye and empathized each and every detail of what they shared.  At times of listening she teared up with them, laughed with them, prayed with them, and encouraged them with words of life, and then hugged them and they walked away with smiles.  Someone literally could have walked up and shared with her how they were traumatized because their cat had choked on a hairball and she would have fully and totally empathized with their situation and loved them right through it.  This day she showed me in full form just another example of what it is to love people right where they are, but mostly what empathy looks like.  That was another priceless example of love and empathy that I will never forget from people I love.

    Empathy - truly understanding and sharing the feelings of another - is what allows for love, kindness, and generosity to flourish.  And when that happens, everybody operates at their best.
   
    When you have the ability to empathize with someone and their situation, you give them the freedom to deal and heal.  After losing my husband years ago, I have met many women who have also, since then, lost their own husbands or people who have walked through the pain of loss.  When counseling with them, I am very careful as not to "slap my own band-aide" on them.  Usually the first thing I tell them after listening is that each loss is different even if loss itself is similar, because we are unique.  God made us each with our own individualized fingerprints...not another person created is exactly like us, even if they are your identical twin....they are still their own person.  Because of this very fact, it is not my place to ever tell someone how they should feel or what they should do.  I can only give my own testimony and share how I walked through it.  
To empathize is to truly, to the best of your ability, try and identify what it would feel like if you were going through what someone else was....their OWN unique situation, different from any other.  How might you feel if you were walking through that very situation RIGHT NOW, what emotions might that stir up?  What about others involved in the situation, what might they be feeling?  How might you want others to respond to you in that moment?
Notice I didn't say the word "fix".  An empathetic person does not necessarily, foolishly rush in, without thought, to fix or "band-aide" a situation. They are simply present, without judgment, listening, loving, encouraging, building up, prayerfully supporting as they do their best to identify with you. When we can truly do this for others, it allows them a platform to just be.  It allows them to walk freely to deal with the situation, and it allows growth, not at our pace, but at theirs.  I can think of no better place for love to flourish and heal a wounded soul. A perfect love that casts out all fear, a place allowing for people to become the best version of themselves.

Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. (Rom. 12:15)

… so that there should be no division in the body, but that its parts should have equal concern for each other.  If one part suffers, every part suffers with it; if one part is honored, every part rejoices with it. (1 Cor. 12:25-26)

Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. (Gal. 6:2)

Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. (Eph. 4:32)

being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose.  Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.  (Phil. 2:2-4)

Finally, all of you, live in harmony with one another; be sympathetic, love as brothers, be compassionate and humble.  (1 Pet. 3:8)