Ladies ONLY: Chocolate Chip or Raisin?

  Have you ever been so hungry that while shopping in a bakery, you grab quickly what you think are homemade chocolate chip cookies, only to get them home, take a bite and realize that they are raisin cookies?  I have done this and let me tell you that I am not a fan of raisins, so I wasn't any too happy when I bit into them.  Had I taken time to look deeper past the surface, stopped and used wisdom in my head, instead of the hunger in my gut, and slowed down a bit, I may not have made such goof up in judgment.
  I have sat back and watched women for years....young women, old women, and every age in between, in a world that promotes women equality and empowerment, and is big on GIRL POWER, try and chase men down this way.  Listen, I have nothing against strong women, but there is something to be said for being pursued.  It seems that some are so hungry to get connected to someone, that the first man that smiles their way or is kind to them, they latch on and obsess over without letting him up for a breath.   You may think he's a "chocolate chip cookie", but he could be "raisin".   I already know what you are thinking....that is a stupid comparison.  Maybe so, and you are entitled to your opinion, but hear me out.  Sometimes we are so "hungry" for a mans attention that we don't even realize what we are doing. Ladies, a real man that is brought up correctly, should be nice to you when acknowledging you.  They should smile, be kind and genuine in their actions and they may even open the door for you.  This is called being polite and respectful.  It is not necessarily a green light for "I'm into you".  
Men are born hunters and providers.  They are created to lead, to be the head of the house. When you lead by initiating everything...every conversation, every moment to connect, and you are around every corner, you take away their chance to lead. 
I have had women over the years say to me about their significant other...."I'm just tired of always being the one to initiate everything".  I then ask...how is or was your dating life?  Did he/ is he pursuing you or was it you pursuing him?  Lots of times it turns out that they had/ have done the pursuing and NOW want to be pursued by the man,  yet the whole relationship thus far has been based on her pursuing him. 
See, you really wanted a chocolate chip, but didn't take time to see that it was really a raisin. Now you are mad because you got a raisin. 
Some of you, still annoyed that I am using a cookie comparison, are rolling your eyes and thinking....
"well he just doesn't know he wants me or that I am "the one" so I need to get his attention to let him know I am here."
Let me tell you something....
if God has a plan for your life, which he does, and His plan is for you to be with this man, whose attention you are trying so desperately to gain, don't you think God will let him in on the info???  Do you think that God would actually leave your "future husband" out of the loop on this?  If he is a man who is truly following after Gods own heart, which I assume is what you would want, don't you think HE would also hear the voice of God?
Maybe he IS the one, but he's also not a raisin fan, and he's taking his time to be sure he's indeed getting chocolate chip instead of raisin.  Maybe he's looking for peanut butter instead.  If that is the case, he's gonna wait on God to make sure he's got what he is looking for.  God works in His timing...the perfect timing, so trust it.
I get that the cookie analogy is starting to crumble....but you get the idea.  I am all about being straight forward.  You can let a man know you are interested, but then chill.  Let him pursue you. If it is indeed Gods plan, he will not fail to reveal it amazingly.   Guys aren't stupid...at least any guy worth your time shouldn't be.  They may see your interest but aren't feelin' it so they don't initiate.  They may be nice to you, but again, they may just be being polite, please don't mistake the two.  When your pursuit becomes over the top, its seen as neediness, and THAT, ladies and gentlemen, is not a turn on for any gender. Also again, its YOU pursuing him.  
So you may be asking "Then what can I do?".  First, take a deep breath.  Then look in the mirror and say this;
God did not make a mistake when creating me, I was fearfully and wonderfully made.  He has a plan for my life, one with a hope and a future, and He has created me ENOUGH. 
Then refocus your pursuit on God, on His complete direction for your life.  Focus on the gifts and talents He has given you.  Focus on being the daughter of the King and how precious you are in His sight. Keep running your race that He has marked out for you and do it with joy.  You should be running that race so focused on God that you may actually all of a sudden notice  coming up beside you, the man He has planned for you also running His race, part of which may be pursuing you. 
Don't lose heart Beautiful....He has not forsaken you, but let His plan unfold in His timing, for it is PERFECT.

    

Clean Slate

     Being a teacher as long as I have, you figure out that you will always have some “problem students” or those that are more challenging, simply because they battle anyone who is in authority over them.

Not to long ago, I had someone say to me “I dont know why you are so nice to them, they have no respect for anyone and Im tired of dealing with them, but EVERYDAY you are nice to them?!”  I simply said, without hesitation;  “I believe everyone should start with a clean slate regardless of what happened the day before”.

They  just shook their head in disbelief. I really did understand the reasoning and frustration behind the comment, but I still believe what I believe. The comment did bother me a bit, not personally, but what that person said just didn’t settle right in my Spirit....then in true “Jen fashion” I began to dissect my thoughts to better try and understand what I was feeling...then it hit me and I smiled to myself.

Lamentations 3:22-23

Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed,

    for his compassions never fail.
²³ They are new every morning;
    great is your faithfulness

Thank God, these are my Lords promises.  Thank God He allows us to fail, day after day after day and yet still loves us and still treats us with respect.  This doesn't mean He agrees with our choices or even that He is thrilled with them.  It doesn't mean that we don't drive Him nuts when we don't choose His wisdom, and that we don't break His heart when we choose poorly. What it does mean is that He continues to love us, continues to wipe our tears after we fail, continues to pick us back up and dust us off after we fail to heed his wisdom.  His mercies NEW every morning.  Should we not walk and treat others with the grace that He gives us?  Should we not love people RIGHT WHERE THEY ARE????
If He loves us in such a beautiful way, shouldn't we treat others with the same grace?

Being Guarded vs Guarding Your Heart

     I am blessed with friendships where I am allowed to just think out loud if I need to among my close circle of friends.  I am thankful for those opportunities that allow me to do just that to sort out what I may be walking through, getting honest loving feedback.  I have asked God recently to search my heart and find places that need fixing because they are not conducive to ministry as I recognize more and more in His timing as He calls me in that direction.  Today, as I was speaking to one of my best friends, was one of those times where I could express that I knew God has been dealing with me on the differences between being guarded vs guarding my heart.  The Bible states that we are indeed to guard our hearts. Proverbs 4:23 Guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.
Guarding your heart says;
"I'm doing what's best for me", 
vs being guarded that says; 
 "I'm defending myself against anything that could potentially hurt me!"

It's not been a secret that I have had some hurts in my life.  Ive been very open about loss in my life.  From losing my husband and father to death years ago, but also some hurts of losing very close friendships due to some circumstances out of my control.  These extremes have caused me to both hold loyalty, honesty and trust in extremely high regard in my friendships/ relationships, and keep those qualities woven deeply into my core.  It has made me  protective of those that I love, but it has also had an affect of me being very guarded at times with people. 
I do understand that we are indeed to guard our hearts, but I can see where I have been extremely guarded at times.  There is a difference between the two. 
 The first means that you are aware of yourself, your wants, your needs and you are in tune with your spirit.  Being guarded, however, is when you are defending yourself from getting hurt, meanwhile not doing anything to let that heart heal.  We've all been there before.  You may have had a broken heart, broken relationship that left you feeling broken and bitter, hurt, angry and defensive.  At that point you would do anything to protect it, so you put up walls, or cut people off without explanation, or even jump to conclusions assuming the worst about people.  When we lead a life that is guarded, we limit ourselves to what God has for us, and how He wants to fully use us.  Lets be real, being guarded, really isn't conducive to ministry now is it.  
It IS important to guard your heart.  Everyone you meet should not have access to it, they are not meant to.  Proverbs 4:23 states that your heart is "the wellspring of life".  When you guard your heart you are applying wisdom to the situation.  One who guards their heart leans on wisdom the of Lord, seeks knowledge, weighs answers, responds with confidence and sound judgment.  After all when you do guard your heart the goal is to  remove anything or any one's influence that can taint your thinking or move your focus off of Him.  Guarding your heart involves recognizing risk and reward and exercising right judgment.  Being guarded, however, only places you in survival mode.  Being in survival mode is not conducive to moving forward in life.
Fear is the root of being guarded.  Fear of getting hurt, or being disappointed.  Guarding your heart, however, involves courage and discipline. Guarding your heart involves setting boundaries, and being able to say no.  It also involves being bold enough to stand for what you believe is right and best for you or your situation.  
Recognizing the difference between the two is vital to moving forward in life.  One will hold you back, the other will push you forward.  Trust that God knows your heart top to bottom, front to back.  He knows every single nook and cranny of your heart and every single tear you have ever shed.  If you are battling with being guarded, allow enough room in your heart for God's peace.  He will pour His healing over you like oil, filling every broken place.  When you experience God's peace, that peace will guard your heart AND your mind.  Trust Him. 

 Philippians 4:6-7 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

In the Fog.....

     After spending several hours in the hospital with my youngest daughter yesterday, who while fighting an extremely high fever, was diagnosed with Influenza, we eventually we brought her home. I knew that she would be out of school the rest of the week, as well as me being home, from teaching school, to be with her.  
This morning both my  school corporation and the  school corporation my kids attend were blessed with 2 hour delays due to  heavy dense fog.  I was so thankful for that delay because it allowed me to run into my school while my oldest daughter was able to stay with my sick daughter and not feel super rushed to get everything done I needed to.
As I was driving through the dense thick fog in the dark, at one point I completely lost all visibility.  I was trying to hurry to get to the school and get things done, because I knew there would be a lot to do in a short amount of time to get copies made and plans laid out for 3 subjects and 4 different grade levels, for two days worth of lessons. 
When I lost all visibility, it only lasted for a second, but when I was able to see again, the road had curved and I nearly wrecked my vehicle by almost hitting a sign that was in the median.  I was able to quickly swerve and avoid crashing.  Already slightly anxious, that quick moment freaked me out. Although I had not felt as if I was originally going too fast for conditions at all, I slowed WAY WAY DOWN.  I took a deep breath and said "Thank you Lord!"  I then REALLY began to focus hard on the headlights shining to light my path, and focus intricately on every single inch of the roadway that I could see which wasn't more than a few feet ahead of my vehicle.
It was in that moment when I was driving, that God spoke to me in my spirit as He often does in regular daily activities.  He said;
"Sometimes we get so anxious about what is ahead in life that we actually lose focus and can then easily lose control when brought to a curve in our path."  He said, "Trust in the ONE that lights the path. Slow down, rest and focus in Me, trusting that I am indeed lighting the path at the right time and speed for My perfect plan."  (Psalm 119:105,  Proverbs 3:5-6).
   I just smiled and again said "Thank you Lord!".  I am always so appreciative of those moments of affirmation of His Word in my life. 
As you walk through the fog of life, trust Him. We often have no idea what is ahead and in our minds the struggle can be REAL.   Trust that He knows the way, and that He will perfectly light every single inch of the path at the proper time and place.  His timing is perfect for the specific plan He has on your life.  F.O.G also stands for Favor of God, so remind yourself today that when you dwell in the secret place of  the Most High God, you indeed walk in the shadow of  the Almighty, which includes  His favor and protection.  (Psalm 91).  Blessings to you and yours.

The Perfect Soil for Love and Healing

     Years ago, during a winter much like displayed here in the Midwest last week, with below zero temps, I had a pipe freeze at the house that I lived at.  It burst, spewing water shooting out from the wall into the garage and out to the driveway.  My boyfriend drove over quickly to help me deal with the situation.  When he arrived he assessed the situation and immediately knew what to do to shut the water off and take the next steps to begin to repair.  Some time during that time he came back into the house and he could tell by looking at me that I was not okay.  It was at that point I began to have an anxiety attack.  It was clear that he had never seen me in that type of mode before.  He stopped and looked at me and paused.  He then walked over to me and held on to me, hugging me tightly letting me cry.  He calmly and soothingly said to me "Jen, things like this happen.  The good news is that it is out in the garage and not spewing out into the house".  For me, this was a bit of a normal reaction to being traumatized an feeling out of control.  3 years prior, I had been widowed unexpectedly,  and also lost my father unexpectedly close together, within the same year.  My boyfriend, now husband, could have chosen to have a different reaction.  Trust me, years later when we recalled this incident, that moment was defining moment for him as well.  He could have easily said "I'm out, she's nuts", but instead he chose, to not only assess the burst pipe situation, but also assessed my anxiety situation.  He knew all that I had walked through just a couple years prior, and although it was not necessarily a normal reaction, he knew that for me it was my normal for where I was at, at that moment. He truly made a choice, in that moment, to put himself in my shoes and empathize with what I was dealing with. The emotions, the fear, the reality of me feeling like things were once again spinning out of control in my life, even in the most basic sense....the emotions were real.  One of his giftings, I can see now even more clearly since we have now been married for over 12 years, is remaining calm and being able to speak life to me when death voices feel like they are screaming chaos and confusion until I can get a hold of my own thoughts.  I witnessed this just a couple years ago again, when I was dealing with a full and challenging plate at work, coaching a full schedule, and had just found out my best friend, who received an unexpected job offer, that he may be moving across the country....it was just too much I was dealing with all at once.  I was struggling so much that I came home on my lunch hour one day to "step away", knowing my husband was home on vacation. He knew upon looking at me that I was struggling.  He listened intently, empathized with me, and opened his arms and just let me feel and cry, as he spoke words of love to me.  Once I was done letting my emotions out I had bottled, I was able to collect myself and head back to work.
    A few years ago, one of my best friends, who had just given a concert, stood and greeted every guest who was standing in line waiting to meet her.  As I was there assisting her with whatever needs she had, I listened as she poured love into each fan.  So many came up and shared their personal stories with her one after another.  She purposefully and intently looked them in the eye and empathized each and every detail of what they shared.  At times of listening she teared up with them, laughed with them, prayed with them, and encouraged them with words of life, and then hugged them and they walked away with smiles.  Someone literally could have walked up and shared with her how they were traumatized because their cat had choked on a hairball and she would have fully and totally empathized with their situation and loved them right through it.  This day she showed me in full form just another example of what it is to love people right where they are, but mostly what empathy looks like.  That was another priceless example of love and empathy that I will never forget from people I love.

    Empathy - truly understanding and sharing the feelings of another - is what allows for love, kindness, and generosity to flourish.  And when that happens, everybody operates at their best.
   
    When you have the ability to empathize with someone and their situation, you give them the freedom to deal and heal.  After losing my husband years ago, I have met many women who have also, since then, lost their own husbands or people who have walked through the pain of loss.  When counseling with them, I am very careful as not to "slap my own band-aide" on them.  Usually the first thing I tell them after listening is that each loss is different even if loss itself is similar, because we are unique.  God made us each with our own individualized fingerprints...not another person created is exactly like us, even if they are your identical twin....they are still their own person.  Because of this very fact, it is not my place to ever tell someone how they should feel or what they should do.  I can only give my own testimony and share how I walked through it.  
To empathize is to truly, to the best of your ability, try and identify what it would feel like if you were going through what someone else was....their OWN unique situation, different from any other.  How might you feel if you were walking through that very situation RIGHT NOW, what emotions might that stir up?  What about others involved in the situation, what might they be feeling?  How might you want others to respond to you in that moment?
Notice I didn't say the word "fix".  An empathetic person does not necessarily, foolishly rush in, without thought, to fix or "band-aide" a situation. They are simply present, without judgment, listening, loving, encouraging, building up, prayerfully supporting as they do their best to identify with you. When we can truly do this for others, it allows them a platform to just be.  It allows them to walk freely to deal with the situation, and it allows growth, not at our pace, but at theirs.  I can think of no better place for love to flourish and heal a wounded soul. A perfect love that casts out all fear, a place allowing for people to become the best version of themselves.

Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. (Rom. 12:15)

… so that there should be no division in the body, but that its parts should have equal concern for each other.  If one part suffers, every part suffers with it; if one part is honored, every part rejoices with it. (1 Cor. 12:25-26)

Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. (Gal. 6:2)

Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. (Eph. 4:32)

being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose.  Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.  (Phil. 2:2-4)

Finally, all of you, live in harmony with one another; be sympathetic, love as brothers, be compassionate and humble.  (1 Pet. 3:8)

Nostalgia

 
 For the last couple of years I have noticed that I am drawn to things antique and have been feeling nostalgic.  Things that remind me of my childhood and years gone by.  This summer I watched the eyes of my daughter roll back in her head as I suggested we go into some antique shops while on a road trip.  She obliged me anyway, and in we went. This fall it was the same, although my oldest seemed to have a bit more appreciation for my stories and memories.  I loved looking at and being "taken back" to a time with things I hadn't thought of in years.   Its really less about the things and more about the memories that go along with it.  I've slowly watched my girls become more interested as they have heard me speak of and point at different things and say, "Oh I remember that" or "we had that" or "I remember seeing that at my grandmothers house" etc..

 I'm thankful for so much of my childhood as I have many great memories, and some not so great but that's okay too.   I'm mostly that my mom and step-dad specifically saw fit that I knew who Jesus was and who I was in Him.  The importance of having a relationship with Him and sharing His love with others.  The importance of knowing and understanding His promises, and that all my hope is to be in Him and in Him alone.  It has been remembering THAT specifically that has served me well in life.

     Recently I was dealing with some traumatic news I was trying to process concerning the future of my school and job as well as some concerns about my husbands work with word of a possible strike.  I had been truly struggling with deep worry and fear and it was tearing me up, making me almost physically ill.  I had spent several days trying to digest it all on my own, wallowing in my own worry, trying not to burden my family, but yet I was a hot mess. 

A few days later, my best friend called me, and some of the first words out of his mouth, when we actually began talking about it, was "Jen, lets take a look at your life and look at all the places where God has failed you.....oh that's right, there isn't any!"

  After quite a long conversation of me processing, spilling my guts and tears and him reminding me of Gods promises and that I needed to "be still", I had settled down and finally collected myself. Everything He told me, I knew already, but my head was in a place where I needed to be reminded of God's promises and I needed to refocus.   It was over the last several days I began to think more and more about this truth in my life....that God has never failed me.  I have truly walked some extremely difficult roads, but it truly was a fact that my God has walked with me every step of the way and has ALWAYS provided. 

     I've been studying the use of memorial stones in the Bible.  In the book of Joshua chapter 4.  It is one of the climactic events in all of biblical history. The Israelites had waited forty years, but now the time had come. It is a poignant moment as they stride across the riverbed of the Jordan, opened for them by the miraculous power of God. Behind them, they leave the wearying decades of meandering around in a barren wilderness and the tragic memories of countless funerals for an entire generation of people who would not trust God's promises.
A new and welcome chapter opens before them! Before them lay a land richer than their dreams, more fruitful than their hopes, and more beautiful than their imagination. Now it is theirs by God's steadfast promise.  It must have felt surreal to finally stand in Canaan, kind of like when you unlock the door to your first home. You've envisioned it, planned for it, imagined what you will do with it…but when you step in that front door, your emotions soar! To be the fulfillment of an ancient promise to Father Abraham must have been overwhelming.  Their joy had been magnified by recent events. When they arrived at the Jordan, they found it is flood stage, menacing in its speed and dangerous from what it concealed.  The river was impassible, its crossing impossible.
But God intervened. God rolled back the waters of the Jordan River, just as He had done with the Red Sea. God meant what He had said through Moses years before. Here was His signature again, in the same way, to assure His people that He was good to His word. 

     I imagine there were songs and shouts as God's people worshiped and exulted in Him. But there was also one important act that calls for our attention. After Israel crossed, God gave Joshua some very specific instructions, recorded in Joshua 4:1-3: After the entire nation had finished crossing the Jordan, the Lord spoke to Joshua, "Choose 12 men from the people, one man for each tribe, and command them, 'Take 12 stones from this place in the middle of the Jordan where the priests' feet are standing, carry them with you, and set them down at the place where you spend the night.' " Joshua did exactly what he was told, sending these select 12 men back to the riverbed of the Jordan where they were to bring back 12 stones—stones that at one point were buried, unreachable, covered by a challenge to the faith of God's people, but were now divinely accessible.  Twelve men hoisted heavy stones to their shoulders from Jordan's floor and then piled them together in the Promised Land, by God's command. They were stacked there as a sign, an unmistakable marker at the very place where God had demonstrated His power to overcome any obstacle to His will.
Because stones don't naturally stack, there would come a day when Israel's children would ask for an explanation for this phenomenon. Here's the answer God wants the next generation to know: "Tell them the story," says God in v. 7, "of how the waters of the Jordan were cut off in front of the ark of the Lord's covenant. When it crossed the Jordan, the Jordan's waters were cut off."
In verses 23-24, For the Lord your God dried up the waters of the Jordan before you until you had crossed over, just as the Lord your God did to the Red Sea, which He dried up before us until we had crossed over. This is so that all the people of the earth may know that the Lord's hand is mighty, and so that you may always fear the Lord your God."
This is what happens when the impossible meets the promises of God. This is the outcome when the implausible comes up against the glorious riches of God in Christ Jesus.
     As I have remembered my friends words, meant to get my attention to refocus on, not the negative that Satan wanted me to focus on, but on ALL God has done and will do.  To me, this is the best way to be nostalgic.  He simply wanted to remind me that God is TRUE to His promises to His people and to keep my focus on that.  It doesn't mean that life doesn't get hard but His promises are still true. As much as I love looking at antiques that trigger memories of days gone by, this is truly such a remarkable way to remember what GOD has done in my past, where He has carried me.   This reminder has caused me to begin writing down, or "placing" my own memorial stones......of all the times God has been faithful...to focus on THAT, to celebrate THAT, rather than what the enemy wants my focus to be.  
The stones out of the Jordan marked the movements of God among His people. They testified of the willingness of a people to leave what they had known in order to go with God, to face challenges to their faith, to step into the water, to believe in what they could not see.  As we face life's challenges, it can be so easy to lose our focus when we don't know what is ahead. I believe that God allows us  memories and times to be nostalgic to give us moments to smile back at and to be used as strength to move forward. Although I would not want to relive every place that I have walked, I'm thankful for those "memorial stones" in my life that just continue to prove that although life is forever changing, He indeed is the same yesterday, today and forever and His promises are enough, He just wants us to keep our eyes on Him.

*credit: The Lesson of Stones

Pick Up Your Mat!!

     Months ago I had someone speak ill of me and my character as well as the character of a close friend.  Its not like its the first time its happened in my life, but it was someone I had trusted and never expected slander from, especially because of the leadership position they were in, but it happened.  It was words used flippantly and irresponsibly, not even something you joke about. It hurt me and hurt those I am close to.  One may not think that 5 little words about someone could have an affect but it did.  Sin does that.  We may think..."oh, I was just kidding" or "its just a small lie or embellishment", but a sin is a sin is a sin.  Some how, some where it has consequence. Even though its been many months later and I have forgiven for my own sake and my family and I have moved forward from it, but it has taken time and dealing with my own emotions of hurt and anger.   It is still having an impact on people I hadn't realized were affected who love me and are part of my "family" who are still dealing with anger over it.    Its the ripple affect of sin...doing exactly what Satan intended.  It is indeed Satan who comes to steal, kill and destroy (John 10:10) for the good that God is doing.  He will do anything to try and cease the work of the Father.  The enemy will do whatever he can to steal our joy at whatever moment he can....IF WE ALLOW HIM TO.  Its so easy to fall into that trap of letting the enemy steal our joy, Ive been guilty of it many times.
As I was talking with a friend last night about something they were walking through that started with sin on the part of another person and inevitably, it had stolen their joy, and left a big ole gaping hole.  They admitted that they were even a bit angry with God over the impact.  I am not for one second going to tell you that when someone sins against you that you aren't allowed to feel what you feel.  God gives us emotions as tools to help us maneuver through life and its challenges and sometimes we just feel what we feel when we are walking it out.  What I am going to say is that it is up to us how we allow those emotions to control us.  Go ahead and feel your emotion, but don't build a house there.  It seems way easier to say than to do, but it is a choice.  It's important to also pinpoint exactly where the emotions should be targeted.  So often its easy to blame God, but he is not the one seeking whom He may devour, that is the enemy. 1 Peter 5:8 Also I think the enemy gets blamed a lot for mans stupid choices.  The enemy may taunt or tempt people to do the wrong thing, but we do get a choice on whether or not we actually act upon it.  
So how long do we let the emotions fester?  Its hard to say, every person is different on how they deal with the load they carry.  Two things, however, come to mind in that statement.  First, we are not supposed to carry loads, we are supposed to cast our cares. (1 Peter 5:7)  Second, if its "festering", you need a physician.  I can think of no better Physician than the Great Physician, God Himself.
     When I was speaking to my friend and they were sharing their heart with me and I reminded them of all I have said above, I heard God then say to me in my Spirit "Pick up your mat and walk!", so out of my mouth came those words to my friend.  They became silent and reflective.  Finally they said with a smile and a chuckle "Yes Ma'am".
In John 5:1-18 and the story of the healing at the pool, Jesus asked the man who was invalid... "Do you want to get well?"  The man then responded with reasons he couldn't get well....because of what others were keeping him from doing (getting into the pool or not helping him).  Jesus then said "Pick up your mat and walk!"  Now the man could have chosen to stay on his mat and focus on the fact that he was invalid, or that nobody would help him or that they were getting in his way....OR he could decide to pick up his mat and walk.  I am happy he chose to get up.
Sometimes it takes someone in our lives to tell us to get over ourselves, suck it up, or call us out.  Sometimes we finally just get sick of sitting on out mats.  The beauty is that you get to decide and choose for yourself. Let God deal with the other persons sin.  I pray this day that you will have had enough of allowing your joy to be stolen by all the time you have given to sitting on your mat, even if it was someone else who put you there.  I pray that you will be moved to call the enemy out and let him know that he will no longer steal from you and that you are now PICKING UP YOUR MAT AND WALKING BY FAITH, FOR SUCH A TIME AS THIS.  Now GET UP AND WALK!