No Child Left Behind

   I have been a teacher for over 20 years, which is so hard for me to believe.  I have had thousands of students, lots of memories, laughs and tears.  Several years ago, right after having my youngest daughter, I felt the Lord calling me to be home with my daughter.  I knew what I needed to do, I knew what I wanted to do, but I was scared.  I was afraid to let go of what I knew.  I was afraid to give up my income, felt like I was giving up my identity in a way, and really not sure what the future would hold. I knew however deep in my heart that the Lord was bringing me and my family into a new season.
    In the spring of my last school year teaching middle school, I loved taking my class out on the cross country trail for a hike.  The class knew where the trail began and where is ended.  I also reminded them to stay on the trail and that I would be the last one on the trail because I would never leave any of "my kids" behind.  They all laughed and we started out on our way.  As we got going we began to get further and further separated, which was not uncommon as some are faster than others, and they all seemed to be faster than me ;).  As we were walking I kept thinking about my life  and what my new up and coming season, and its challenges, would hold and was beginning to feel that overwhelming feeling creeping in and starting to take a hold.  
At one point I could see the last group of kids just ahead of me, but kept feeling like someone was behind me which caused me to keep turning around, and this continued happening.  It wasn't that scary feeling, like you see in movies where you are being followed and afraid, it was just a sense that someone was behind me.  I kept thinking I was hearing someone and I wanted to be sure that none of my students were left behind.  Finally after several times of me turning around with nobody there, (I swore I had the sense that someone was behind me), and when I thought I was losing my mind because I could sense someone,  I heard The Lord say to me in my spirit "See, I don't leave my kids behind either".  It was at that point I began to cry, and thankful that I could do it privately because my students were far enough ahead of me on the trail. I knew the Lord was telling me in all my thoughts and burdens I was carrying that He had my back. That He would be there every step of the way in the plans He had for my life. Although my goal is to walk with the Lord daily, this was the most amazing experience of knowing and feeling His actual presence on a trail in the woods with me, having my back.  I've walked through a ton of challenges in my life, and He's always had my back, but for Him to love me so much to meet me where I was right in that moment and show me and bring peace to my heart, is incredibly mind blowing to me.
I'm so thankful for His presence in my life and to know that He loves each one of us just that much. May the Lord bless you.

Super-Sensitivity Toward Others

     For whatever reason I find myself reflecting on several things today.  Often my fingers cannot keep up with my mind when typing when this happens, so I apologize for what may come out as random.  
Several months ago, I sang at the funeral of a beautiful lady who fought the cancer battle, and just about a month ago I sang at the funeral of a long time friend who had passed away suddenly.    I found myself doing a lot of people watching during these funerals as I find myself doing at many funerals.  I am typically an active people watcher in many many situations anyway, but OFTEN during loss, because I am familiar with loss.
   We as humans, for obvious reasons, find ourselves "listening" with our ears, but I find that I tend to use many of my senses.  Besides hearing, I mostly use my eyes.  During regular life situations, I often get teased for "staring at" people when they talk or when I am "taking in" something they are doing.  I laugh, because it probably seems like that, but I truly am listening whole heartedly.  I like to look people in the eye when I am talking to them, which can make people uncomfortable at times, because it helps me to "listen" to whats in their soul, whether they are speaking or not.  My husband and I have a kind of a joke we laugh about, that when I am trying to talk to him, I want him to look at me...to listen with his eyes too.  He doesn't necessarily have to do that to hear me, but because that is how I "listen", I often expect the same from him. (now raise your hand if you know that how YOU are with other people, doesn't mean that is how they relate to you - ha ha) Admittedly,  I  have been known to become frustrated when he doesn't do it, and have to remind myself that he doesn't have to look at me to "hear" me, but it often helps ;)  I find when I discipline my own children or my students, I ask them to look me in the eye because I want them to "listen" that way as well, and know that hopefully they are getting the message not only with their ears but their eyes.  This can be a very difficult task for people, because it can make you feel vulnerable.
  I find that I people watch a lot in the way of "tuning in" to what is happening. Its amazing what we pick up when we do tune in.  When talking about senses, I often, in communicating with people, especially close friends, touch them when I am talking or listening to them.  I realize, as I chuckle to myself, that one needs to be careful in doing this when you talk to someone.  You have to use wisdom, when talking to any random person,  or it can quickly turn into a "miscommunication" and taken the wrong way by more than just the person you are talking to.  I find that when I listen with most of my senses, the Lord allows me to be far more "in tune" to what is happening in the soul of others looking beyond the surface.  There is no mistake that God gave us all these senses not just to enjoy life but as tools we don't miss a thing....especially His leading..
   I told a friend a couple weeks ago that because I have walked through a significant amount of loss in my life that its like its made me super-sensitive to others.  It almost feels super-natural at times. Although it sounds funny, I could not think of a better way to put it.  It doesn't mean I have any "super powers" ha ha, but only that I have learned to really "pay attention" and by way of the Holy Spirit who has equipped me,  to "tune in" to others.  I think that this comes from walking through significant loss. I remember while others went on with their normal lives, I wanted to scream out because I was still deeply hurting.   At times felt like I was literally drowning in my own sorrows, and as bad as I wanted to cry out to someone to "save me" from the pain, yet I was still expected to move on like life was as it was before.   I felt nobody could relate, that they wouldn't really understand the depth of the pain, and I also knew that there was only ONE that could heal this pain and He was already walking me through it....just not as fast as I would have liked.
Because of walking this path of deep grief and wishing people understood or  could "hear" me crying out with my hearts pain,  I think from that point I must have made it a point to be detailed  and extremely sensitive with what others might be feeling.  I often joke that I am anally detailed (I think I just heard my husband yell AMEN! ha ha).  That can be good and bad, but with other people, and their feelings I really find myself wanting to understand them and what they may or may not be saying..... their body language, words, even the things they aren't speaking out loud..  Do I miss it, of course, I am human, but my heart really wants to be tentative to others hurts.  
As I was speaking with a group of campers at a speaking engagement last week, we talked about the thoughts in our heads, the things we think about and feel on the inside.  We talked about how we only really share or speak out a tiny percentage of all the thoughts we have in a day.  I made the suggestion of having them imagine if all of our thoughts went onto a big screen or we walked around with word bubbles over our heads.  There were groans heard around the room, including mine.  ha ha.  Well praise God that isn't the case....what a mess that could be.  However, when you are trying to help people or be there for someone in their pain, word bubbles could be helpful.  Unfortunately, behind their smiles and tough exteriors...could very well be a breaking heart, a heart torn into pieces.  
I always tell people going through grief two main things....1. Never make any major life changing decisions while in the depths of grief, and 2.  Don't mask, bandaide, or stifle your grief or emotions, but instead walk through them and genuinely pour them out some how.  It hurts horribly doing so, but you will get through grief faster without masking it.
  Its easy for me to say those things, even though I know this is wisdom from personal experience, but its another when you are actually in the valley of it......this is why I try hard to "tune in" to what is NOT being said..."people watch" if you will.  I may not be able to catch it all, but the Holy Spirit knows all.
What is someone feeling that they may be afraid to say or just not saying.  Crying out and asking for help is often seen as a weakness, but its really not. The opposite is actually true.   Sometime you just need to say "I FEEL LIKE I AM DYING INSIDE" or "THIS IS CRUSHING ME".  The last thing the enemy wants is for us to cry out for help.  He relishes in our suffering and then if we do cry out he fills us with lies of how weak or selfish we are.....do you see the twisted cycle.
    Within our regular lives, I am guilty of getting busy and dealing with the crazy schedules of life.  Things get busy and loud and even more busy.  We hardly have time to get through our own days, let alone stop to examine what someone else might be going through (I've been guilty many times).
Might I challenge us all to "tune in", without judgement, and "people watch", to take a moment to look people in the eye and compassionately into their hearts.  I personally hate to ask people the question of "How are you doing?", because so often culturally, its just used as a greeting and we answer it with "I'm fine", when sometimes we just really aren't fine....sometimes we are hurting, we just don't want to burden others. If you are asking this of someone you truly love and care about, dig deeper, look deeper. 
I love the verse in Proverbs 27:17 where it talks about iron sharpening iron.  So often we help people get the knife out but never attempt to engage and assist in sharpening the blade.  I'm guilty.  
In connecting with others, lets try to use more than just our sense of hearing, but lets engage with our eyes too, and by all means our hearts.  They say the eyes are the window to the soul.  Lets stop what we are doing and look deeper.  Its possible that we may not hear someones pain but that we may see it and we may sense it.  God Bless Y'all ;) 

You Can Do It!!

     After years of not racing, some health issues, and just getting older (with the adding of extra pounds), and by the urging of my oldest daughter, I ran my first 5k in many years.  I was not ready physically but have been slowly heading in that direction.  I joking say, I was "in shape"....but my own distinct shape, not so much considered athletic any longer, but have been working to change that.  She, on the other hand, is in incredible shape and is a gifted athlete....oh how I miss those days for myself and hope to get them back to the level that I can at this point in my life.  I am a determined girl, always have been, but as I get older, its been harder physically for obvious reasons, but I will.  I'm also an encourager, and have tried hard to impress the importance of being an encourager to my own children.  Little did I know that it would play a huge role in my own race this morning.  My goals for this race were simple: 1.  to encourage my daughter to run ahead and do the very best she could and not wait for me. 2. to finish, 3. to not be last, and 4. not to die. :) All goals were accomplished, but not without a struggle.
   My daughter is nearly 15, and not long after her Daddy died I started running as an adult.  Part of it was a way of dealing with stress, to get back into shape, and to give me a focus for ME.  I remember my first 5k was when Kennedy was nearly 4 and I pushed her in a jogging stroller, then the next year at nearly 5 she ran with me. Part of the way she was able to run and I encouraged her to go as far as she could, some of it however she just couldn't do it, so I put her "piggy back" on my back and we kept plugging along...yep, back then I could do that.  
Today was so unique for me, so many memories of doing this race before, but things were so different.  Today I encouraged her to go ahead without me.  I KNOW the genes that girl has and I KNOW her giftings of what she can do athletically, I've had the privilege of being her coach for all of her athletic years so far.  Shes an athletic beast.  I knew she would do well.  Our plan was for her to call me when she was done, so I had my phone and my bluetooth in my ear.  When my phone rang as I was running I was at the 2 mile mark and had just finished the "Hill from Hell".  Those who ran, KNOW the hill I speak of.  My out of shape legs were crying out, I really wasn't sure how I was going to finish, but when my phone rang and I heard her say "she was done", it motivated me to keep going, because I knew she would be waiting at the end of the race.    A few second later she text me "You can do it Mom!!"   I thought of how our tables had turned and how it was now HER cheering ME on to keep going as far as I could.  It wasn't long before I had my eye on the Golden Dome of Notre Dame, and I knew the finish line had to be close.  I could not see the finish line, my legs were on fire and honestly I was spent, but I KNEW I had to keep going and that soon I would see it.  The Lord in our relationship and the way He speaks to me, of course, took an opportunity and had to remind me at that very moment, of how even though we cannot see the finish line, we KNOW where He is calling us, and what He is calling us to do.  We may feel spent, tired, and very unsure of just how we are gonna make it...and we still cant see the finish line, but He knows where its at.  In His own way He sends us encouragement. He may even use people in your life, to tell us "you can do it!!" and tells us to keep going....but we have to keep our eyes fixed on Him and on the goal.
    It wasn't long after he "downloaded" those thoughts into my head and I smiled, because He uses moments in my life to do just that, is when I saw the finish line in sight.  Id like to say that I ran with all my might, but to be honest, I stayed steady at my same pace focusing on not slowing down, not getting distracted by all the "hullabaloo" at the finish line, but to stay focused on the goal.  It was tough for me, I aint gonna lie, but I was glad I did it, and I will do it again.
The Lord, no doubt, has set something before you that you are just not sure HOW you are going to do it, or how its going to come about.  Let me encourage you today to keep running,  and even though you cant see the finish line, He can.  Even though you feel spent, tired and unsure of how you are going to get to where He is taking you, keep your eyes on the prize and focused on Him.  May the Lord bless you.

Make Sure You Are Tuned In

     I'll never forget the time when I was driving down the road, and had Kamdyn with me in the back. I don't completely remember what it was about but I remember being super angry or irritated with someone (no it was not my husband ha ha). I had not said a word to anyone out loud about what I was angry about but I do remember being consumed in my thoughts and irritation and what I was gonna say to this person, someone I really had not known a real long time. As I became engulfed in my anger and thoughts that I had not shared with a soul, all the while planning in my head what I was going to say to this person, Kamdyn yells to me from the back in her somewhat stern voice, very uncharacteristic tone of how a 4 year old should speak or NOT speak to their mother....."Don't Say A Word!!!!"     At that moment I was first shocked, but my mind sobered up from my own thoughts in a hurry and I asked Kamdyn "what made you say that?", and in her sweet honest 4 year old voice said to me ..."I don't know, but God told me to". I was breathless. I began to weep. I knew God had used my 4year old to get my attention because I wasn't listening. I was so consumed with myself, my anger, my own thoughts and plans that I missed it. I missed His still small voice, the one that gives guidance, love , direction and correction. Instead of catching myself and taking myself to the Throne Room....I got myself, my mind, lost in a tizzy. Gods plan is perfect. If we do things our way, we are sure to fail. His ways are higher and there to protect us from a fall. I thank God my 4 year old was sensitive that moment to the Spirit of God, because it no doubt saved me from falling on my face. I never want to miss it, but I admit, I've missed it many times, but He doesn't want us to. He's there to help us and direct us but we have to listen, turn on our hearing aides, have our antennas tuned in geared to listen in. Shut off the spam of our own making and tune in to The Maker who will surely direct us, our mouths and actions, to a more pleasing, and peaceful outcome, one that can still speak truth but one saturated with love and meant for kingdom building and not destruction.

Stay On Your Nest

     At my school, since we are an environmental school, we are actually starting to raise chickens as part of our environmental program.  There has been a lot of talk about chickens and raising them, what they eat, shelter for them and predators we may have to worry about.  All this talk of chickens got me thinking about a story I once heard about a snake that had invaded the hen house and was looking for a free meal.  Not looking at the chickens as his meal but eating chicken eggs.  The farmer knew there was a problem when the hens, most of them refused to enter back into the hen house and seemed to be in a frenzy of activity...he knew something wasn't right.  He took a peek in the hen house and saw that there was a good sized snake that had devoured some of the eggs, but at that moment he was attempting to get a hen off its nest so that it could devour its eggs.  The hen was refusing to move, staring at the snake and kept pecking at the snake when the snake would get too close, but the hen still refused to move.  I really admire this hen in so many ways because she stared that snake in the face and she refused to back down of what she knew to be hers.

    In His Word, God has promises us so many things: Supplying our needs, that His grace is sufficient, that we will not be overtaken, that we have victory over death, that all things work together for good for those who love and serve Him, Eternal life, Peace and rest, power and strength, healing and wholeness etc....

   Like this hen, have you ever had the enemy in your face, staring you down, breathing his stanky breath in your face, telling you that you are doomed in one way or another because he was there to steal from you?  How have you reacted?  Did you run out of the hen house clucking and or screaming or did you stare that enemy in the face and claim what GOD SAYS IS ALREADY YOURS?!

I know I have spoken of this before but it wasn't too many years ago that the enemy was all up in my face trying to freak out my family and myself after my husband had been in an accident that was not his fault, yet everyone seemed to be knocking on our door and sending us law suits.  At first I was the hen that started to get up off her nest and cluck around, but I was quickly reminded of what God has promised me.  In a two year battle I stayed on my nest.  I not just stayed but sat their strongly and stubbornly and stared that enemy down, pecking at him with Gods Word when he tried to get me off my nest and steal what was ours.  I STOOD ON GODS WORD AND CLAIMED IT!!  The battle wasn't ours to fight, we just had to stand as the Bible talks about in Ephesians 6:13  "Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.".   I am so glad that I knew ahead of time what Gods Word says, what His promises are so immediately I knew what to stand on.  In the end we didn't pay a dime to anyone for anything, not even court or attorney fees.  I admit there were times I became weary but I just kept pecking away at the enemy with the Word.  Praise God for Victory.

Is the enemy trying to steal from you?  Remind that snake that his breath stinks and what Gods Word says for your life and don't get off your nest...hold fast.

Giving Ourselves Away

      I have never been shy about being open with my life and its struggles. This isn’t a brand new struggle  that's never been known to man kind, but one I’m having to walk through faster than what I thought I was ready for…letting go.  My daughter Kennedy’s grandmother recently received the news that her cancer had come back and had spread.  This is not the news any of us wanted to hear, but we stand in faith and the Word of God claiming that by the stripes of Jesus she is healed!!  She, however, made a request that Kennedy could join her and the rest of my late husband Todd’s family, in the Bahamas this year for spring break…having the whole Windsor clan down there together all at once.  I will admit I struggled with this decision of allowing my daughter out of the country without a guardian (my husband Tim or myself).  My daughter is 14 years old and in high school.  I thought I would have three more years before I’d have to “let her go” if she chose to go away to college, so this caught me off guard a bit.  After doing some praying about it for about 24 hours with Tim and along with some close friends, I had peace about it, but I knew it was going to be something hard I was going to have to walk through….Momma was gonna have to grow up a little. ;) 

Kennedy, Tim and I had many many conversations about what to expect, and what we expected her to do or not to do, for example, never go anywhere alone I don’t care how safe you feel etc…

Then yesterday came, where I knew I was going to have to drop her off with her Aunt Marcy whom she was going to be flying with, and whom will take amazing care of her.  I  still knew, however, that I was going to HAVE to do the “official letting go”.  I told her in advance, don’t be surprised if I cry.  I’ll try hard not to, but you are my baby and so this is hard for me.  She knew I was excited for her, but also was struggling so she just smiled and nodded.  As I dropped her off and chatted with her aunt and gave some specific instructions, Kennedy hugged me.  I told her I loved her and then started to feel the tears rising up. I very quickly and abruptly said goodbye and left.  Kennedy caught on right away and just smiled. I tried so hard but I no sooner turned my head to go to my car and the tears were falling.  I cried all the way home and continued on and off silently right into the arms of my husband who was there waiting for me.  He knew as soon as he looked at me what was wrong, and he just hugged me and said, “She’ll be fine.”  I already know that, but the hardest part is the letting go.  I did okay the rest of the night for the most part, but battled thoughts now and then.  

        For the last few days I have been listening to a CD in my car of a worship service some of my best friends and I did back in January.  Within that CD, I have been kinda “camping out” on a song my  best friend Sean led called “I Give Myself Away” by William McDowell.  Sean’s voice and gifting to play the keys is so anointed, that you can feel the Spirit moving every time I listened to it.   My daughter Kamdyn rides with me much of the time as I have gone about my errands, so she has also heard the song a lot recently, and actually was also at the actual service.  Last night as I lay in bed, struggling with missing my oldest daughter, my thoughts were halted by suddenly hearing Kamdyn start to sing this song at the top of her lungs in worship while she lay in her own bed. It tickled me so much to hear her singing as she too is a worshipper at heart.  Here are the words:

******************************************************

[Chorus:]
I give myself away
I give myself away
So You can use me
I give myself away
I give myself away
So You can use me

[Verse 1:]
Here I am
Here I stand
Lord, my life is in your hands
Lord, I'm longing to see
Your desires revealed in me
I give myself away

[Verse 2:]
Take my heart
Take my life
As a living sacrifice
All my dreams, all my plans
Lord I place them in your hands

[Chorus:]
I give myself away
I give myself away
So You can use me
I give myself away
I give myself away
So You can use me

******************************************************

As she continued to sing, my own thoughts were drown out in worship and my mood was changed. At some point after that I must have fallen asleep.  I woke up about 1 am and immediately thought about her and began to pray in the Spirit instead of allowing myself to fret.  I eventually at some point went back to sleep.  I woke at 5 am and immediately thought of her again and began to pray.  As I was looking at my phone my sister-in-law text me to let me know that they were on their way to the airport, Kennedy with Starbucks in hand.  I replied..”that’s my girl”. ;)

     This morning as I was riding in my car on my way to work with the CD player going.  I looked at the clock and thought to myself that my daughter Kennedy and her family would soon be in the air….and again the tears began to come.  The tears of struggling to let go.  It may seem a bit dramatic as some would say…its only for a week, but she’s my girl and one of the only things I have left of a combo of her Daddy (my late husband Todd), and myself, and she is my baby, I don’t care how old she gets, she will always be my baby.  I thought I had at least 3 more years before I would have to start letting her go and head to college.  She wants to be a missionary after college so I guess I should get used to this right?!  It doesn't stop the tears from flowing now however.  I still remember my own mother crying for quite awhile after dropping my older brother off at college 8 hours from home.  The struggle is very real.  If I am honest with myself too, its really less about this actual trip, and more just about the "letting her go...letting her grow".....and me growing too.

Then at that moment the tears began to flow again, I hear my friend Sean, who has been tremendous mentor, friend, and truth speaker in my life, begin to sing via the CD “I Give Myself Away”. The tears begin to flow even harder, and I say “ok Lord, I get it, I get it already.”

Part of “giving ourselves away” is letting go of self and all things “us”.  Kennedy is my daughter, I'd give my life for her, but if I were honest, she really is NOT MINE to keep. I love her more than words, but I still do not love her more than God, she is His daughter too. She was His daughter first.  She is fearfully and wonderfully made and He has a plan for her life like it talks about in Jeremiah 29:11, one with a hope and a future.   The Lord placed her into my care to raise her,  bring her up,teach her about Him, and to take care of her for a time.  It's true that she is part of me but yet I still have to “give myself away”, my selfishness, the possessiveness that wants to hold on to her and keep her little forever.  The struggle  is not a new one, but it is very real.  I need to release her to Him because He wants to work more in her life on a deeper level, to use her, to reveal things to her to be used both now and in the future.  If I hold on too tightly, she may miss something He has laid out for her because my selfishness and getting in the way.  I also may miss something He has for me, something he wants to reveal in me, some place higher that He is also calling me to be.  I can’t say to God,  “my life is in your hands” if I am holding so tightly to it…any aspect of it.  So as I drive and listen and wipe the tears from my face, I then eventually begin to laugh.  Leave it up to God to use the singing voice of one of my very best friends…a trusted soul and truth speaker in my life,  to speak into me at that very moment to get the message across.  Well played Lord, well played. ;) 

   I know I am not the first to walk this journey and I wont be the last, but I am vocal about my life as He calls me to be, so for that reason I share as I walk through reality, the growing pains, the real struggles.  My deepest desire is to be used by God, and He works in me to shake away and declutter things that don’t need to be there…a house cleaning if you will.   He wont stop until all is cleansed as He is looking for an unshakable Kingdom.  Is there anything you need to "let go" of in your life??   He IS calling us higher. 

Be a Blessing

   Way back in the day, it was not uncommon to help a neighbor with whatever need they might have.  When you could use a handshake for an agreement that might be considered a major agreement today.  I often admire the Amish because you hear about them doing a barn raising, it seems the whole community pitches in to get that barn up. It is defined as " Barn raising addressed the need by enlisting members of the community, unpaid, to assist in the building of their neighbors' barns. Because each member was entitled to recruit others for help, the favor would eventually return to each participant."  Although in the end it states that the favor would return to each participant, how many barns does one need in a lifetime, because barns last for years and years, so you know when this happens, not every participant will necessarily benefit from it in the future and be "paid back", and Id like to think that most of them know that and are participating to just be a blessing, because its the right thing to do. 
Have you ever just done something for someone out of love and not looking for something in return?  I would like to think that we all have, but it seems to happen less and less.  With as many years as I have taught, I see this in schools more and more.  Its not uncommon for me to ask students to do something such as, pick up scraps of papers off the floor,  help pick up something that was dropped by another student etc... and they want to know what it in it for them, or I hear the famous "I didn't do it".  REALLY?!  Seriously, we need to get back to  helping a neighbor just because they have a need, and extending a hand to help and not looking for a hand out.  
In the Bible, Zechariah 8 talks about how we are saved to be a blessing.
Have you ever thought of that?  We are saved and expected to be a blessing to others.  Unfortunately many think they are doing all they can do to take care of themselves therefore they can't possibly be a blessing to anyone else.  This is the wrong way of thinking.....it is in being a blessing that we become blessed, or more blessed.  
I am not saying this to build myself up, but one of my favorite things to do is bless someone if I can.  I can say that I have been unexpectedly blessed by others many times when the blessing was really really needed.  I can think of countless amounts of people who blessed me during the loss of my husband back in 2001.  I couldn't even think straight but yet every meal was paid for, or provided, my daughter was taken care of and all bills were paid, and my job at work was covered with lesson plans provided by my coworkers.  I think for me it was during that time, after things began to settle down, that I realized the countless amount of people who had blessed me and my family, some I didn't even know from across the world.  Not one of them expecting me to "pay them back" but did it because God led them to and they felt it was the right thing to do.  Slowly but surely "my barn" was built right before my eyes.  I think it was then my heart realized that I wanted to be a blessing, or a popular phrase today is "pay it forward".   When Todd died, the church we were part of in Elkhart, Indiana had a cemetery as part of their property and they offered me a plot where Todd could be buried with the agreement that I would later buy it for. The night I finally went in to pay the money, we also had worship team practice.  When I arrived I was privately informed that the church board had decided to donate the plot to me rather than me pay for it....another blessing handed to me.  I literally had the money in hand but thanked them with tears in my eyes, and placed it in my pocket.  Just a few minutes later when we began to pray before practice, I heard about a need of one of our members .  Her and her spouse had been laid off from their jobs and they weren't even sure how they were going to buy groceries for their family for this next week.  I knew immediately what I was going to do with the money I had in my pocket.  I knew what the Lord was asking me to do.  I privately approached her after practice and handed her the money and told her that I knew it was meant for her and her family and that the Lord has blessed me, and so it is being passed to you.  She was completely speechless but full of tears, knowing what I personally had been walking through in my life.  I hugged her and walked away feeling more joy that I had felt in weeks, it was quenching like water in the dry land.  
This was a huge moment in my life because I experienced deeply the joy of the Lord in being a blessing.  I have actually had other people say to me after blessing someone " well, you only did it do receive joy, so you didn't do it for nothing".   Joy is a benefit of being a blessing to anyone, its so thick it feels tangible and its also contagious.  Joy is free to us, part of walking with Him, and God wants us to walk in His joy daily...its our strength.  When you follow His leading and are obedient to whatever He asks you to do no matter what it is, there is joy involved to be experienced.  So call it what you will.  God knows your heart when you bless someone and  I find that people who are more focused on looking for the negative, need more joy in their life, so go ahead and bless them too. ;)
May I encourage you to also be open to receiving blessings.  Its not always easy when someone wants to bless you because somehow the enemy wants us to believe that maybe we "owe that person" or that is makes us look vulnerable.  I say "hog wash!"  If someone wants to bless you, don't be the one to steal the blessing of joy that they may receive from being a blessing to you.
   I want to encourage you today to help someone, it may seem small to you, but to them it will be a great thing and it may change their entire perspective, it may just give them the uplift they so desperately need - you have the power to do that. 
God said in Zechariah 8; I will save you, deliver you and bless you so that you can be a blessing...will you do that?