What Death Has Taught Me

     Twelve years ago today, March 8^th, 2001, my life changed forever when my husband Todd went home to be with the Lord at the young age of 35.  It seems that I only reflect publicly on this anniversary day, but the truth is, that it is a daily reflection for me.  This may be hard to believe, but not a day has gone by in these twelve years when I haven’t reflected on the loss of Todd in some way.

   I married Todd in 1997, and became wife and step-mom to Payton.  In June of 2000, Payton was joined by his sister Kennedy.  Just a few short months after that Todd became sick with what we thought was the flu….a question I still have yet to have answered.

     Sadly I have had someone actually say to me after his death, “well you were ONLY married 4 years” as if to minimize the pain involved, or to heartlessly try making the situation insignificant.  This to me was as cruel as if I went to someone who had just lost a baby and said “well you only had them for a couple days”, as if this somehow magically makes it less significant.  I guess the lesson that I took from that was that some would be better off using a glue stick, than a chap stick.

   I miss many things about Todd, but mostly I miss his sense of humor, his creativity, and his laugh.  I think of how much the children would have loved to have gotten to know him.  He would have loved them dearly, and been incredibly proud of them, as well as his nieces and nephews that didn’t get the chance to watch grow up, or with some even meet for the first time.

    I know in my heart how proud he would have been of me for so many things.  He always was my biggest cheerleader in so many ways.  He believed in me when I couldn’t find a way to believe in myself in various things.  This is why he was such an incredible teacher and his students loved him.

He taught hundreds of students in his years of teaching, which’ve grown up and moved into careers of their own.  I still get letters or see some of them from time to time who will tell me just how much he meant to them.  I do understand.

     Death is such a final thing, because we can’t go back and change things…it’s too little too late for regrets or woulda, coulda, shoulda’s, but God uses all things for His glory.   Even though Todd is gone, I’m still learning many things from his legacy.  Over the years dealing with his death and walking through that valley, has taught me to be more compassionate to others.  Loss is a difficult experience that we all must walk through but not one is the same.  I have no idea what it’s like to lose a child, a sibling, a mother, etc…. but I do know what it is like to lose a spouse.  I have recognized that everyone’s loss is in some points the same, but each loss is unique and the pain is real.  I cannot ever say that “I know how you feel” because I will never be you, nor will you be me….but I assure you, the pain is something I would not wish upon anyone.  Because of that, I grieve when someone else walks through any kind of loss and try never to judge how they react to such an experience when they move forward in life.

    I’ve learned to thank God daily for His provision.  At a time when I thought I would lose everything, let alone deal with the grief, the Lord carried me though without fail on all accounts, and still continues to do just as He promised in my life.

     I’ve learned to forgive, and be quick about it and offer love to all regardless if they receive it or not.

I’ve learned to reach for goals and the plans that God has for my life with boldness even though I can’t see the other side because this life will be gone in the blink of an eye.

  I’ve learned not to worry too much about what others say because everyone has an opinion, and those that matter will cheer you on, and those that mind probably shouldn’t matter.

   I’ve learned to move forward because moving backward just isn’t productive for moving on with life.  I know that he would have been so proud of me for not staying in the past but making the best out of my life that I could.

   I’ve learned to sing even when I’m scared.  Todd heard me sing for the first time just a few weeks before he passed away and during the time I sang, he had tears streaming down his face the entire time, afterward telling me that it was a gift from God and that I should be using my gift and not hiding it under fear.  I’ve not stopped singing since.

     I’ve learned that legacy is important to think about as I live each day. As I live my life it’s important to be responsible enough to know that the things that I do and say, I will not only be accountable for in Heaven, but may have an effect on those here on earth.

Todd was not perfect and would laugh at such a gesture, but he did touch my life in a way that will stay with me forever.  His loss is still felt daily, especially as I look into my daughter’s eyes.  I am thankful for the time we had together, however long or short one sees it, and the fact that I know he would be proud of the person I have become, and how I have raised and continue to raise our daughter. I have no doubt he would be cheering me on and running along side me screaming at the top of his lungs to keep going - thats the kind of guy he was. J

You can read more about my testimony of loss in a previous blog post called "The Day I Lost My Husband"

http://www.divineirrigation.blogspot.com/2011/03/day-i-lost-my-husband.html

So, If The World is Going To End........

     I've heard it, you've heard it....unless you are living under a rock, rumor has it that the world is "going to end" on Friday, December 21,2012, due to the Mayan calendar not continuing.  This has people up in arms, in a media frenzy, and as usual has people talking at the water cooler and on lunch hours about what is going to happen.

    It honestly brought one question to my mind to ask you:  If the end of the world is happening on Friday, will you be heading to Heaven or Hell?  If you could know with certainty, wouldn't you want to?

Many have spent decades trying to be good enough to get into Heaven, but the truth is that no one is righteous, not one according to Romans 3:10. 
 For all of us have sinned and is separated from God, and the result of that sin is punishment. (Romans 3:23).  The wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord (Romans 6:23). 
 By accepting Jesus as your savior, believing in faith and His sacrifice, you can be saved from Hell (Romans 5:8).
     You many be thinking that you have done too much "wrong" in your life and you have sinned too much, but 2 Corinthians 5:21 states that God made Him who had not sin to be sin for us, so that in Him we might become the righteousness of God, (or be a sin offering). 
 The only sin bad enough to keep you from Heaven is rejecting Jesus Christ.

   If you declare with your mouth, "Jesus is Lord", and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved.  For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you profess your faith and are saved.(Romans 10:9-10).
So you are made free from the laws of sin and death according to Romans 8:1-2, because there is no condemnation for those in Christ Jesus.

   You may feel that you have been a good person, or will try to be good, doing many good deeds  in life, and that will provide your entry way into Heaven, but its just not true.  Unfortunately, there are some good people in Hell.  Ephesians 2:8-9 says "For it is by grace that you have been saved, through faith - and this is not from yourselves, it is a gift of God - not by works, so that no one can boast.  God is not looking for works.  All of us have become like one who is unclean, and all our righteous acts are like filthy rags; we all shrivel up like a leaf, and like the wind our sins sweep us away.  (Isaiah 64:6)
     1 John 5:13 says "I write these things to you who believe in the name of the Son of God so that you may KNOW that you have eternal life".  So you can KNOW!!  Wouldn't you want to know??
No amount of good works will get you one inch closer to Heaven because Jesus is the only way.  John 14:6 says "I am the way and the truth and the life.  No one comes to the Father except through me.
   If you would like to have hope, know with certainty where you are going to go "If the world ends", and want to start a new life, pray this prayer of confession and believe it in your heart:

I believe that Jesus died on the cross for my sins.  I believe that He rose on the 3rd day.  I want Jesus to be ruler of my life, and  I believe that what Jesus did makes me a new creation. Amen.

If you prayed that prayer and truly believe it in your heart, then you are saved.


     I am thankful for all Jesus has done in my life and will continue to do.  I am not concerned about "the end of the world", because if it were to happen, I know where I will be, as well as many family members and friends.  Unfortunately I cannot say that about all of my family,  friends, and people I know.  Only God truly knows what it in your heart and what you truly believe.
As for the end of the world... First of all, 2 Timothy 1:7 says "For God does not give us the spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind."  The Bible also clearly states in Matthew 24:36 "No one knows about that day or hour, not even the angels in Heaven, nor the Son, but only the Father."

5 Second Rule

      I Had been at my best friends father’s funeral, and it had been a very long day…and I was starving.  On my way home I spotted a Burger King.  Now I LOVE onion rings and then the sauce they give you….is just sweet nectar.  So I wait patiently for them and finally my food is given to me.  As I pull out and begin driving down the road I start to get my food out of the bag.  Chicken sandwich; check,  Onion rings; check.  Where is my sauce; check.  So, I situate my onion rings between my knees and go to open the sauce…while I am driving.  I go around a curb….and down to the floor went every single onion ring in the container.  I think  at this point all of Valpo heard me yell….NOOOOOO!  I quickly pull into a parking lot and in a second, determine that I am going to eat them anyway. (yes, I hear your groans)  So I pick them up and quickly examine them and put them back into the container.    Of course the 5 second rule comes to mind….but it had been more than 5 seconds.  Only one I didn’t eat because it had a hair on it – LOL. I would like it noted that I had just vacuumed the floor of my car.  LOL

     Now how many of you know that the Lord does have a sense of humor??  I definitely do....so while I am eating these is when the Lord decides in His humor to download a message to my mind.  Now there are all kinds of thoughts and studies on the 5 second rule.  At this moment I don’t want to be thinking about them.  My oldest daughter however, who is a champion Science fair competitor, would probably have a hay day with such a thing…but I want to put it completely out of my mind. Although I try, I know that I can’t, because in reality we all know if we are honest, the type of junk that could be on our food when we drop it. 

     Jillian Clarke of the University of Illinois at Urbana–Champaign found in a survey that 56% of the men and 70% of the women surveyed were familiar with the five-second rule.  Clarke, who was the 2004 Nobel Peace Prize winner for her study on this topic, found that foods dropped for only 5 seconds onto floor surfaces became contaminated with various bacteria, E.Coli, and salmonella . (sigh)
So lets be real, the 5 second rule is for those in denial….just like I wanted to be in that moment.  I am glad I am still here to talk about it ;)

     So if we are honest, what kind of effect can the 5 second rule have on us if we used it in every aspect of our lives….lets think…could it effect you?????  and how so????

5 seconds of food in manure

5 seconds of being tazed

5 seconds of looking at your phone while driving

5 seconds of your favorite show (are you hooked)

5 seconds of Facebook

5 seconds of a song

5 seconds of kissing

5 seconds left on the clock in a game

5 sec of looking in the mirror

5 seconds of porn

5 seconds of cussing

5 sec. of smoking

5 sec of bullying

5 seconds of cheating

5 seconds of negative talk

So can 5 seconds affect your life?  If you talk to a prisoner who has spent time in prison, they will tell you that whatever they are in for was not something they planned for their life.  They may also tell you that it started with something (5 seconds???)….stealing, cheating, pornography, drugs etc…..

Garbage In = Garbage Out

Philippians 4:8, NIV
 “Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable-if anything is excellent or praiseworthy-think about such things.”

What we put into our heads totally impacts what how we think, how we act, how we treat others, and how we speak. God tells us in the Bible verse above to control what we put into our heads. Do you have problems with having bad thoughts? Problems with your language? We all can. We need to take a hard look at what we’re feeding our minds with movies, video games, magazines, music, etc. There is a lot of way violent games, way obscene movies, and other things that we can easily get hooked on. Make an effort to avoid these things, and to put good things in your head. You’ll become a better person.

The world tempts us with all sorts of garbage to put into our minds but God doesn’t want us to fall into its trap.

Romans 12:2 

Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.

So how can 5 seconds make a difference?

Romans 8:5-6
“Those who are dominated by the sinful nature think about sinful things, but those who are controlled by the Holy Spirit think about things that please the Spirit. If your sinful nature controls your mind, there is death. But if the Holy Spirit controls your mind, there is life and peace.

What can we do with 5 seconds to make a difference?

1.     Listen to someone

2.       Smile at someone

3.       Tell someone you love them

4.       Take a deep breath before speaking

5.       Walk another direction

6.       Pay a compliment to squash a negative.

7.       Return your cart

8.       Let someone go ahead of you in line or traffic

9.       Replace the toilet paper roll

10.   Hug someone

     You might think its tough to control what we put in our heads, what we think, and what we do. Well you’re right, its tough to the extreme! And without God it would be impossible. If we accept Jesus as our savior the Holy Spirit will come into our life and give us the power we need.

What Kind of Legacy Will You Leave?

     Yesterday I sat at the funeral of a dear man, whom was the father of a dear friend of mine.  As I sat there with my friend Joanne, we listened as our friend, and her siblings shared stories about their beloved father who had lived an amazing, adventurous and positive full life.  We laughed with them, and cried with them, as they shared of some funny memorable moments, things their father had taught them, and the goodbyes to him through the tears.  This man, father, grandfather, husband, brother, uncle, friend,  left a mark on the heart everyone he touched.  Even in the few times I personally had a chance to meet him and be around him, brought back memories of my own father flooding back and made me smile.  Just the way Henry looked at you with those dancing blue eyes when he laughed or smiled would be unforgettable.  I was glad to have gotten such an opportunity.
      As my friend and her siblings talked about their father, sharing how much they loved him and missed him and thanked him for everything he had taught them, one couldn't help but think about their own legacy.  It is true that one day we will all pass away.  My prayer for you is that you know, when you pass away, where you will spend eternity and that it will be with Jesus Christ in Heaven. (John 14:6) .
While you are still here on  earth however,what kind of legacy are you creating for yourself right now?  How will you be remembered?  In the business of life, we can get easily sucked in to it - I am no different.  In the simple choices we make on a daily basis are things that we are sowing into our own legacy.  Having lost some truly significant people in my own life over the last several years, one of which was my late husband, this topic has always been heavy on my heart. On the day of this funeral, I had buried my own husband 11 years earlier to the very day. I remember it so clearly.  So many people shared amazing stories about how my husband Todd had made a difference in their lives as well.  
So I ask you, to ask yourself, how will you be remembered?  What kind of legacy has God called you to fulfill? (Hebrews 12:1)   When you stand before God in judgement one day, what will God say?  When your own funeral takes place, what will be said about you?  As I walk though life, having made many mistakes but doing my best to focus on Gods will, I pray that at both my funeral, and as I stand in judgement before God (and we all will) that the words that will be said are that I was a "good and faithful servant". (Matthew 25:23)  How about you?   I have found personally that its never too late to change anything in our lives, unless we just decide to quit trying.  So again I ask you, what kind of legacy will you leave?

Do It With Joy

     It was a perfectly good New Years Eve.  I got to sleep in, made breakfast and started to head down stairs to do laundry.  About half way down the stairs I noticed the floor didn't look right.  It appeared as though there was dirt on the floor because some of the carpet was different color.  It then dawned on me:  WATER.  Our basement was flooding and it was water leaking that was causing the carpet to appear with a bit different color.  I yelled upstairs for my husband.  We then located the leak that was a toilet that was overflowing - thankfully with clean water...but water none-the-less.  There was about an inch of water in the bathroom and it was leaking to the rest of the basement, faster than anyone would wish.  After getting the water turned off, we began the clean up process.  I remember knowing that we would have to get this water out as soon as possible so I began sucking it up with the shop vac and hauling up buckets.....what seemed to be hundreds of them...up the stairs and out the door.  Then when we got most of it out, I started with our carpet cleaner to suck up the water in the carpet and again dump it.  I heard my husband say to me, after he called a plumber, "I don't know how we are going to pay for this".  I could hear the concern in his voice.  To me it was a legitimate concern, but then I heard the Lord say to me..."This is NOTHING for God.  After all, I flooded the whole Earth and then dried it out....surely I could do it for your little basement."  It was then I was reminded of just how great our God is.


 As I was vacuuming I then began singing a song we sing on our worship team:
  "Shout Shout for Joy, Shout Shout for Joy...for the Lord has given you the victory!  No weapon formed against you shall prosper, no kingdom raised against you shall stand.  For the Lord is the Rock of my Salvation, we have overcome by the blood of the Lamb"


The more I sang, the faster I worked, AND with a smile on my face.  I forgot about my circumstances and knew that everything would be okay.  We had worked for hours, the plumber came, and finally we got the fans going and decided to stop for food.   We  then went over to my in-laws for something to eat.  When I came home just before Tim, and I knew in my gut the carpet would need to come up...they were still too wet and were not drying.  So I began the job cutting up sections of the carpet and pulling them up, along with the completely soaked carpet padding.  I began hauling it outside.  Tim got home then, and began helping me.  We then really were able to get the basement dried out a bit easier, with the fans going, to make sure everything dries completely.  We will be dealing with insurance tomorrow.
      Throughout this ordeal, I realized that I didn't panic, I didn't even cry - not once.  Instead, although I was not happy about what was happening, I reacted with a joyful attitude. PRAISE GOD!!  I was thankful this was the path I had chosen.   I also know that whining and complaining about something (a route I have taken many a time in the past)  is much like a rocking chair:  It keeps you busy but gets you no where.
   Joy is a fruit of the spirit (Galatians 5:22), and God desires us to walk in joy no matter what happens.  I think of Paul and Silas who were beaten with rods and thrown in prison (Acts 16:24-25).  At midnight, they prayed and sang praises unto God and the prisoners heard them.  They did this because they were happy despite their circumstances, and they trusted the Lord to take care of them and to help them get through the trials.   At the midnight hour, when things look the darkest and we are able to realize who we serve and stand up and understand who we are in Christ - we need to start singing.  PRAISE IS WARFARE!  It confuses the enemy!  It tears down walls of the "prison" built up around us.  When the enemy has you oppressed - start lifting up the Name of Jesus!  REJOICE!
    What happens when you rejoice?  Well I think if we knew what happens we would do it everyday.  Rejoicing is an act of faith.  In Paul's own words (Acts 27:25) "Cheer up...I believe God, that it shall be as He told me."   When we believe God, we cheer up.  Believing and rejoicing usher in the glory and goodness of God in your life.  The Apostle Peter said it in 1 Peter 1:8 in this way:....yet believing, you rejoice with joy unspeakable and full of glory...even now you are happy with the inexpressible joy that comes from Heaven itself.
      Joy is the secret of faith and endurance. Rejoicing will enable us to make progress in difficult times.   James 1:2 says to : Count it all joy when trouble comes."  This must be why Job laughed at destruction and trouble (Job 5:22).   Of course some people will think you are insane, but with joy, you have found the secret of survival and success.
     Joy has many facets, it is connected to God's presence, strength, salvation, the anointing, and Gods Word. Look at all the blessings of God that are connected to joy.
   As a reminder:  If Satan can steal your joy, than he can damage a lot of other things in your life  JOY IS A CHOICE WE MAKE DAILY!!!  Lets make it a habit, and make the choice to rejoice!
     What is the foundation that your are letting yourself be built up with?  Jesus or the trials and problems of this world?  Are your putting your whole body and soul (mind, will and emotions) into serving the Lord?  Is true Spiritual "Joy" , a part of your everyday life?  If it is not, it can be. ;)

Are You Okay?

Today I was at the store, catching up on some very much needed grocery shopping.  As I finished up, I eye-balled myself a line I felt would be shortest to wait in.  In front of me was what appeared to be a single Dad with his 3 young children.   His cart was full, his eyes were heavy and the kids were busy.  His oldest son was the only one not busy and looking a bit pale.  I could tell he either didn't feel well or was upset about something as he was wiping tears from his eyes.  His Dad was moving as fast as he could to get the groceries up on the belt and keep the other two kids busy and in line.  As he began to check out, his oldest son began to throw up.  His Dad gave a big sigh and immediately raced to his sons aide to help, but had that helpless look.  He said softly but sweetly, "I wish you would have listened to me, I knew it wasn't a good idea for you to eat that, are you okay?"  
  I felt such compassion for this man and his son, but I too was not sure how to help.  Immediately the Holy Spirit brought to my attention the large package of paper towels in my cart.  I tore open the package and handed the Dad a handful of paper towels.  He looked at me so shocked and I assured him that it was okay, I was buying them anyway.  He said "thank you so much".  I then handed another handful to the boy so that he could wipe his mouth as his dad cleaned him off.   After we had things cleaned up, the Dad again said to me with a relieved look, "you have no idea how much I appreciate your help, thank you."  I said "oh sure, no problem, glad to help".     As I was walking out to the parking lot and thinking about the words this man had said to his son, the Holy Spirit reminded me of how many times we have made choices against the better judgement of our Heavenly Father.  Yet, when we are there dealing with the repercussion of the choices we have made,  He is still right there to pick us up, clean us up, and ask us if we are okay .  It made me think of the story of The Prodigal Son found in Luke 15:11-32  :
   Jesus tells the story of a man who has two sons. The younger son asks his father to give him his portion of the family estate as an early inheritance. Once received, the son promptly sets off on a long journey to a distant land and begins to waste his fortune on wild living. When the money runs out, a severe famine hits the country and the son finds himself in dire circumstances. He takes a job feeding pigs. He is so destitute that he even longs to eat the food assigned to the pigs.

The young man finally comes to his senses, remembering his father. In humility, he recognizes his foolishness, decides to return to his father and ask for forgiveness and mercy. The father who had been watching and waiting, receives his son back with open arms of compassion. He is overjoyed by the return of his lost son! Immediately the father turns to his servants and asks them to prepare a giant feast in celebration.   

     Praise God for His forgiveness!!! When we make mistakes and whole-heartedly repent of them and come home, He will be there with open arms of forgiveness and mercy to pick us up, clean us off, and ask us if we are okay.  

Remaining Calm

     I was reminded of something today through an incident in an emergency situation where an ambulance had to be called and someone was taken to the hospital.  This situation made me think of all the other times in my life throughout the years, that unfortunately, I was presented with a situation where I was needed to perform first aid/ or CPR on someone who needed it.  Because of my profession,education and training over the years, I have been trained and certified many times in first aid/ CPR/ lifesaving etc.....  Physical Education, Heath and Safety was one of my majors in college.  You always hope and pray that you will never need to use it, but over the years I have encountered several times I have had to.  Anything from a choking victim at a restaurant, to sports camp injuries, to car accident victims, and a few other instances in public places where I just happened to be the first one or one of the first responders' on the scene.  Being trained in this area, there has never been a question of whether I will help or not, it is instinct to just jump in and do what needs to be done.  I remember one particular instance in a roll over car accident with serious injuries. When it was all over, I was so shocked at how instinctively I knew what to do clear-headedly and was able to immediately delegate to those around what I needed and what to do until the ambulance arrived -( to God be the glory!).  But one thing has stayed the same in all these instances and that was that somehow, some way, I was able to remain calm, which is the first thing you are taught in first aid/ CPR training. 
    Through all of this, the Holy Spirit reminded me that when we are dealing with life's stresses, emergencies or trauma, that FIRST thing we are also to do is remain calm.  This was a great reminder for me.  I wish I could sit here and say that in all my own life's situations I have also been able to remain calm.  That is not the case unfortunately.  As I get more and more engulfed in the Word of God however, the more "training" I receive, the more I remember that God wants us to also "remain calm" when the storm seems to be upon us.  Whether its financial difficulties, illness, marriage or family difficulties, issues with work or even being out of a job etc...  we are to remain calm.
How can we remain calm you ask?  Although all these things going on are right in your face, staring you down like a mad bull, ready to take you down, you are to stand firm.  Look that bull in the face (a.k.a. the enemy) and tell him to turn around and get right back in his pen and to stop snorting in your face because his breath stinks - in the Name of Jesus!! 


 1 Peter 5:8-9 Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.  Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that the family of believers throughout the world is undergoing the same kind of sufferings.


You see, God already has the victory....the enemy has already been defeated.  What can we do instead of worry?  Phillipians 4:8 tells us just how to think about such things.  "Finally brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - is anything is excellent or praiseworthy, think on such things.  I was reminded a couple of weeks ago of a great saying I have heard before, and it was a great reminder. "worry is like a rocking chair, it keeps you busy and gets you no where".  Instead remind the enemy that he is defeated!  He knows it, and so does the whole spirit realm.  Don't give Satan and position in your life, instead see yourself with the authority of Christ.


 Hebrews 2:14 Since the children have flesh and blood, he too shared in their humanity so that by his death he might break the power of him who holds the power of death—that is, the devil— 


  Because of Christs death on the cross for us, we have the eternal victory!!!   I know it is difficult when life's challenges are staring you right in the face, but remember that God sees the bigger picture, and the end still remains the same....we have the victory in Christ.  


   John 15:7 says " If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you.   


So instead of going into a panic, remain calm.  Don't respond with tears, but instead with the Word of God out of your mouth and REFUSE to stay in bondage.


  Phillipians 4:19 And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus