As crazy as this may sound to say (or type) outloud, today I made a decision to choose joy. It sounds simple enough but lets think on this for a bit. I'm unsure how many of you have ever given birth, or have been constipated (yes I went there and I heard God laugh). You know that when you give “birth” (whichever way you go - lol), there are uncomfortable moments. There are downright painful moments…I have lived both scenarios.
Life sometimes deals us with circumstances that the enemy will use to steal your joy. He cannot steal it if we don’t leave it available for him to take. He can only take it when we allow it. We can be in a valley so deep, so painful, that to push through is some ugly hard stuff. Sometimes we don't even know how or when to take a breath. It is incredibly heavy and suffocating. We have a choice to stay there or to press forward. Just like in birth or yes, even in constipation, if we dont push forward the result of not doing so will cause complications or even cause death. Regardless, we have to make a choice. We can sit in that season grasping on to the teeny tiny bits of joy we can get our hands on, like drowning and take gasps of oxygen only when we come just above surface, or we can race to the top, pushing, swimming, pressing, and finally bust through
Ive been in a valley in the last season. Within that season I left my joy exposed and the enemy swiped it from me, and I didnt stop him. I stopped doing things God has called me to do, like writing regularly, writing songs, speaking publicly etc…smiling, being an encourager etc….just being WHO He made me to be. Today I made a choice to stop being “constipated”. Today I made a choice to stop being a bottom dweller and bust through by racing up, against the current, busting above the surface and staying at the top. Today, as I forced myself to not only bust through, but to take a huge solid breath of refreshing oxygen once I got to the top and stay there. It was hard. It has been way easier to simply sit on the bottom and soak in all I have been dealt. Some days I really wanted to do just that.
Today I chose joy. As I went to drop off my daughter for her last day of school of her sophomore year, I rolled down the windows the last half mile, and cranked up the music. I watched her face go into shock and she literally said “Oh God, Oh God”. As I started singing the lyrics to “We will rock you” at the top of my lungs we both began laughing hard. I pulled into the high school with an all out party in my car as I sang, shouted, danced and cheered her on for her last school day of the year out the window for the whole world to hear, and I didnt care who didnt like it. She was super embarrassed but in the same breath, she also loved every single second of it. If you have known me for a long time, none of that behavior probably surprises you in the least. If you have known me less than a year, then that probably is a behavior you have not yet seen. I'm not proud of that but it's true. I am, by taking my joy back, starting to remember who God created me to be. I have honestly forgotten what that felt like. I have allowed some of that to be buried in my circumstances, unless you are in my small trusted tribe (who got to see glimpses of that from time to time) in those “gasping for oxygen” moments I spoke of earlier.
Joy confuses the enemy. Joy and praise allow God to demonstrate His mighty power on your behalf. I watched it happen today. It was a breakthrough that I have needed for quite some time and it was all in my own grasp right there extended by the Lord the whole time. A hard and sobering thought to me was, in the process of me NOT choosing joy this whole time, was WHOM was I drowning in the process? Who did I also suffocate and keep sitting at the bottom with me entangled in my sorrow. My kids? My best friend? My family, friends, co-workers, students, acquaintances? People who have prayed for me and been there for me every step….how did my “not choosing joy” hold them back, because I know it did. I can’t change the past now, but I can press forward. It doesn't mean there will be no tears, or that we don't feel sadness or grief. We may pocket joy for a moment, but it is still on our person while we sift through those moments, eventually pulling it back out. It's not like I didn't know all this information before. I did, but I had to be ready to push. Remember the “giving birth” scenario? You have to make a decision to “push” forward. The longer you wait, refusing to move, the more complications or losses.
“For you shall go out in joy and be led forth in peace; the mountains and the hills before you shall break forth into singing, and all the trees of the field shall clap their hands.” Isaiah 55:12
The first 13 words though…I experienced today. For you shall go out in joy and be led forth in peace. After I busted out, swiped my joy back, there was peace and has been all day. Doesn't mean I havent had to deal with junk, but as the Bible says in Neh. 8:10 The joy of the Lord is our strength. I literally watched that happen today. Not only that, I physically WATCHED how it affected my daughter. She was embarrassed but laughed and smiled the whole time and actually pulled out her phone to video it. That says a lot to me, she wanted to save the moment.
My goal for myself and for you is to continue to CONFUSE THE ENEMY. I don't want to forget what this feels like. I want to remember what that gulp of “fresh air” felt like and run with it. If you have given your joy away, you can also get yours back. I'm not pretending it will be simple and won't be a challenge. I am certain I will be coming back to this writing to remind myself at some point, but know that it is possible, and starts with a choice. Don’t allow the enemy's crap to “constipate” you. Lets confuse the crap out of him. Make the choice to rejoice. I'm sure gonna keep reminding myself. Blessings.
