Yesterday I cried in the arms of my co-worker, two actually, who offered me hugs that were needed and words of encouragement that were much needed after dealing with the loss of my father-in-law, and dog in the same weekend. This didnt include other battles that are being had in the midst of it all. . Life has been down right hard, and I have been sad. Battling depression at times as the weight of everything feels so heavy even when I have been doing my best to “Cast my cares”. After being gone much of last week, talking with people, and today, running a meeting this morning with co-workers and chatting, I realize that many many people are struggling or battling something. It’s not just me. I sat at my desk and cried yesterday during my lunch for a moment. It, to be honest, has felt like that for months…heavy and hard for many people I love.
Yesterday, my first day back at work, after being out for bereavement, students during my plan time came walking into my class ,with a camera, to interview me for the news about ‘What makes me happy”. I laughed right out loud. They realize recently I have been through a lot lately and one student said to me, “Its okay Mrs, Hock, take a breath and remember what makes you happy and we will wait until you are ready.” I took a breath, rubbed my face, as if to wipe away sadness and put on a smile, collected my thoughts and got myself prepared to speak. I explained during my interview that my family and going to the beach make me happy. I also explained that when I get those two things together, that it really makes me happy.”
This morning before a staff meeting, my boss had the front screen covered in “Be Happy”. I kind of laughed to myself and sighed in the same breath. I did appreciate the reminder. Being happy IS a choice. Right now I just feel overwhelmed with sadness a lot of the time. It is not for lack of trying. I will have moments of laughter, but mostly it feels like they are short lived. At times it feels like that movie “Inside Out” where, “Joy” is the one that is lost or has been misplaced, or went in the wrong direction and is just not around. I realize it is a season.
I know I am not alone in that, as I get paid to engage with both adults and children on the stresses of life. It's part of the job, but I also feel like the struggle is real for many and I am not sure how to help myself navigate let alone help others at times. We are all walking it out together. Here is what I do know as I said it to my best friend yesterday…. ” I guess when we no longer know the words to speak, we still have God's Word that is alive.” It is living and active. It is sharper than a two-edged sword (Hebrews 4:12). As a Christian, it is what we are to stand on and put our hope in. God knows everything (1 John 3:20). Nothing is hidden from Him (Hebrews 4:13). He sees every single tear (Psalm 56:8) and knows the desires of our hearts (Psalm 37:4). He is our protection, provision, (Phillipians 4:19, Psalm 91) and our ever present help in time of need (Psalm 46:1). He is able to do immeasurably more than we could ever hope or imagine (Ephesians 3:20). He knows the plans He has for us, plans for a hope and a future.(Jeremiah 29:11).
Because I know that the joy of the Lord is my strength (Neh 8:10), I am able to walk through this season. It might be a step by step, or millisecond by millisecond kind of thing but it is still pressing forward. If the only joy you can muster up is solely relying on His promises, then HOLD FAST to them. Never done that before?? Try it. Grasp onto them like you are grasping onto the hem of his garment as He is walking (Matthew 9:20). Move toward them and keep your eyes in full focus on HIM as you step out of the boat onto the water with the storm raging around you (Matthew 14:28-29). Watch in these seasons specifically for manna that He provides, and celebrate each morsel you find and let it bring you joy. I find the more you begin to look for the things to celebrate and be glad for that He provides the easier they are to find. Thank Him for those moments and allow that to fuel your joy. He will not fail you as His resume of faithfulness is without negligence. He is the same yesterday, today and forever. Remind Him of his promises and watch Him follow through. I am believing this whole heartedly for my own life so believe it for yours, letting the joy of the Lord be your strength.
