Feeling Weak?

 

If you have been on social media, you may have seen a set of questions posted by someone you know where you answered questions about them etc....  The one I remember seeing was for parents, and having your child answer questions about what they knew about you etc...  A few years ago I remember having my kids doing it separately, and posting their answers.  It was both eye opening and comical.  I recall my youngest saying that she thought (at the time) that my age was 28.  Of course I laughed at this, but my oldest daughter, who was like 16 at the time, became logically irritated and told her younger sister to "do the math".  She said "If mom was 28 and I am 16....how old do you think she was when she had ME?".....my youngest responded with an "Oh!"  Personally I just laughed and was glad for the compliment on my age. ha ha.  When my oldest daughter had answered the questions, one in particular took me back.  The question was, "What to you admire most about your mom?"  Her response was "She is physically and mentally one of the strongest people I know".  I'm not gonna lie, I was very taken back by that.  Why?  Because I do not feel strong on most days.  I actually, often, feel very weak on most days.  When I asked her about it, she said to me "Because you never give up".  Still I was taken back by her answer, but was thankful for her response.  I guess I was glad that she saw things that way.
This morning I was reading a devotional and it reminded me about the above memory.  I couldn't tell you the other answers that my oldest answered in those silly surveys a few years back, but the ones mentioned, I do remember.  
This morning I read about Paul. (2 Corinthians 11:25-27).  Paul was a beast!!  Paul was tough, bold and fierce.  He endured many persecutions.  "There were times I was beaten with rods, once I was pelted with stones, three times I was shipwrecked, I spent a night and day in open sea, I have been constantly on the move.  I have been in danger from rivers, bandits, and my fellow Jews, in danger from Gentiles,; in danger in the city, in danger in the country, in danger at sea; and in danger from false believers.  I have labored and toiled and have often gone without sleep; I have known hunger and thirst and have often gone without food; I have been cold and naked."
See, Paul was a beast.  Who else could endure that kind of persecution and still be standing?  Even with his physical and mental strength however, Paul still considered himself weak.
It turns out that Paul wasn't much different that you and I.    He put on a good front.  Paul tried to maintain a positive attitude.  However the worries and terrors Paul endeavored, could even overwhelm him. Still, he pressed on in a bold, confident and courageous manor because he understood that his weakness was the best platform for Gods strength to shine.  (2 Corinthians 12:10)
    I have always been taught to be self sufficient.  My mom is an amazing Godly woman who had to walk through some of her own challenges in life.  I watched her do it with strength and trust in God.  She taught me to work hard for what I wanted.  She taught me to stand for what I believe in.  She taught me to protect those I love and to treat others how you want to be treated.  She taught me to own my mistakes, to pick myself up when I fail and move forward.  All of those are excellent things to teach, and they have served me well.  Where I have often missed it however is forgetting that God is part of that equation.  I feel like I just heard "gasps" around the room - calm down.  Lets be real for a moment.  I think in our own focus sometimes of working hard, pushing to be our best selves, we often can come to rely on "self" in moments at a time.  If you are going to tell me that you have never done that, you need to go repent right now because its simply not true, we have all been there. Its not that I forgot about God being a part, its that my focus was doing the best "I" could do...not a bad thing, just a bit off.  I need to remember that I can do ALL THINGS THROUGH CHRIST WHO STRENGTHENS ME. (Philippians 4:13)
Self-sufficiency displays nothing of God's power.  Dependency however, sets the stage for strength to shine through.  Weakness allows the glory of God to move in our lives. This is how Paul endured.
Paul believed that Gods strength would not fail him.  Despite what you may have heard, God doesn't shake His head at us when we fail in this area.  When we deal with fear, worry and failure, He is not disappointed and ashamed of us, He sees a man or woman who is dependent on His strength to come in and save the day.  How do we do this (like Paul)?  By choosing to believe it even when we don't feel it.
As I pondered my daughters "strength" response again this morning as I was doing my devotions, I was reminded and it sobered up my thoughts on how I was feeling.....  WEAK, but banking on God to show up....I had almost forgotten. 
 When students in my class reply with excuses like "but, but, but", my reply is often "butts stink, I don't want to hear a BUT from you".  They always laugh, but it clearly gets the point across.  In the phrase above however "WEAK, but banking on God to show up" the "BUT" in that is key!!!  Strength isn't stamina.  It's refusing to quit when you have none.  
I have a dear dear friend, an evangelist, Kent Fishel, who I have known since I was a pre-teen.  I remember him saying this phrase over and over in my head. "A Christian is someone who gets up one more time than he or she falls down."  I have used that saying as a reminder many times in my life, but I would like to add one more thing to it.  "A Christian is someone who gets up one more time than he or she falls down, by grasping the hand of Jesus who is reaching out for them".
We are not self-sufficient.  We must become Jesus dependent.  Day after weary day.
   I still remember my best friends loving but direct words ringing in my ears over a year ago when I was struggling and felt incredibly weak.  He said "Lets see Jen, how many times has God failed you...hhhmmm...none, that's right, so why would it be different now!!!?"
No matter what is sapping your strength or causing you to curl up into fetal position...turn your attention away from circumstances, from what you lack into what He can give.  
     A few weeks ago my dear friend Taylor sang the song "You Say" at the end of our church service.  I have heard this song a million times.  Taylor and I are close, she knows me well.  She knows my heart, our souls are connected, and some how always has seen it clearly...the tender, weak mess that it sometimes is, she knows my deepest desire is to be all that God has called me to be, and sometimes its just hard as I fight through lies that the enemy placed in my head over the years.  When she sang this song, the same song I have heard a million times, I WEPT.  I wept all the way through it.  I have asked myself why, but the truth is because she knows me, and God used her to slap me upside the head.  I was feeling weak, I was believing lies the enemy was throwing at me because that is what he likes to do.  I knew the truth but I was relying on my own "self-sufficiency" to pull me through....It wasn't working. DUH!  It was in this moment as she sang this song that God was saying to me "HELLO, remember me?!    Right after she was done singing, it was only a few minutes later that my best friend also said to me "We've got you" without me having to utter a word. 
Even when we cant remember because life gets blurry sometimes, God will send people or reminders to let you know that your strength is in HIM, in HIS word, His promises, that you are not alone.
When you are feeling ill-equipped, overwhelmed, and weak, Gods grace, God strength, is sufficient for you.  Believe that His strength will not fail. 

All Gods Promises

        Back in May, my family and I traveled to a small town in Ohio that borders on the shores of Lake Erie.  The purpose of the trip was to, not only take time with my own family and best friends family but, to rest, relax, and regroup.  Much time was spent in nature while we were there and I would have had it no other way.  If you know me at all, you know that I am an avid shell collector.  I have collected shells from the ocean and from other Great Lakes, but this would be a first to look for them on Lake Erie.  I had asked my best friend, who is from that area, if he thought I would find a shell.  He assured me he thought I might.  The 4 days that we were there, we spent much time searching, but all we saw were rocks.  Don't think for one second I didnt give him a hard time about it - ha ha.   At first I was disappointed, but then I became intrigued by the rocks.  There were rocks of all types and sizes, but the cool thing was that they all seemed to be smooth and flat.  One beach we were at they were EVERYWHERE.  It may seem silly, but one of my favorite moments on that beach was of my husband.  He is NOT a beach goer.  He does not love being at the beach, but that day he humored all of us and went without complaint.  I was truly blessed by it when I watched him patiently helping our 12 year old daughter pick up "cool" rocks to add to her bag.  He happily and patiently helped her pick up more rocks than she had business collecting in her, ready to burst bag.
The day before this we had been blessed to spend the day with my best friend and his family.  We laughed hard, we ate, we hiked, took pictures, laughed and ate more.  As the day was spent in various conversations and stories of reflection, both funny and sentimental,  I remember the thankfulness that arose, and overwhelming sense of gratitude for "family" that overcame me. Thankful for where I've been and where God was taking us.   I've always been thankful for my family, both blood and not of blood, that I have been blessed with. However, on this day as I looked in the eyes of everyone that surrounded me and listened to their words, I really felt it in my heart the importance of family bonds and what matters.  It reminded me of the importance of love and loyalty, respect and memories etc.... 
Personally my family has had some challenges over the last couple years. This particular weekend it had been exactly one year earlier that I was offered a new job, which was a new beginning of many things of tangible evidence of God moving in our lives. It was after that I watched God work out many challenges we had been faced with in our favor throughout the year.   In our impatient human ways, we become frustrated when God doesn't move as fast as we want Him to. I'm not going to lie...it was a LONG ROAD...  However, his timing is always perfect and He has never failed me, not once.
      As my family and I spent time and walked along the beach collecting rocks the day after we'd been with my best friends family, I thought about the story of Joshua who was leading the 12 tribes of Israel into the Promise Land (Joshua 4:19-24).  After the exit from Egypt, wandering through the wilderness and then crossing the Jordan River, Joshua told each tribe to pull a stone from the Jordan River to start to build an altar on the west side of the river.  This stack of stones was to be a reminder to the people that God had led them safely on their journey.  
As we walked along the beach, and I saw all the large smooth stackable stones, I decided that I wanted to make a miniature of the same reminder Joshua had asked the tribes to do.
(The photo of the one I made you see above.)  To me, and to my family, it is a reminder of where we have walked.  Its a reminder of when we couldn't walk, God carried us, but we got there.  It was a reminder that even though there were bumps in the road, tears shed, and we weren't sure how we would be delivered from the things we faced...that God had us.  It is still a reminder that when challenges arise, and they still do, to remember His promises to us.  It may look different than what we imagined it would, but God restores what the enemy has stolen and will continue to do so. I am trusting in that.
In the morning I have a specific chair I sit at in the dining room to pray, and meditate on the Word of God. This stack of stones sits near there as a constant reminder.  Today I needed that reminder and I was glad I had it.  I may not have found one stinkin' shell on the beach of Lake Erie, but I sure did find a treasure that will continue to serve as a reminder of the beautiful memories made that weekend, and the beautiful promises of my God that will last forever.