The Perfect Soil for Love and Healing

     Years ago, during a winter much like displayed here in the Midwest last week, with below zero temps, I had a pipe freeze at the house that I lived at.  It burst, spewing water shooting out from the wall into the garage and out to the driveway.  My boyfriend drove over quickly to help me deal with the situation.  When he arrived he assessed the situation and immediately knew what to do to shut the water off and take the next steps to begin to repair.  Some time during that time he came back into the house and he could tell by looking at me that I was not okay.  It was at that point I began to have an anxiety attack.  It was clear that he had never seen me in that type of mode before.  He stopped and looked at me and paused.  He then walked over to me and held on to me, hugging me tightly letting me cry.  He calmly and soothingly said to me "Jen, things like this happen.  The good news is that it is out in the garage and not spewing out into the house".  For me, this was a bit of a normal reaction to being traumatized an feeling out of control.  3 years prior, I had been widowed unexpectedly,  and also lost my father unexpectedly close together, within the same year.  My boyfriend, now husband, could have chosen to have a different reaction.  Trust me, years later when we recalled this incident, that moment was defining moment for him as well.  He could have easily said "I'm out, she's nuts", but instead he chose, to not only assess the burst pipe situation, but also assessed my anxiety situation.  He knew all that I had walked through just a couple years prior, and although it was not necessarily a normal reaction, he knew that for me it was my normal for where I was at, at that moment. He truly made a choice, in that moment, to put himself in my shoes and empathize with what I was dealing with. The emotions, the fear, the reality of me feeling like things were once again spinning out of control in my life, even in the most basic sense....the emotions were real.  One of his giftings, I can see now even more clearly since we have now been married for over 12 years, is remaining calm and being able to speak life to me when death voices feel like they are screaming chaos and confusion until I can get a hold of my own thoughts.  I witnessed this just a couple years ago again, when I was dealing with a full and challenging plate at work, coaching a full schedule, and had just found out my best friend, who received an unexpected job offer, that he may be moving across the country....it was just too much I was dealing with all at once.  I was struggling so much that I came home on my lunch hour one day to "step away", knowing my husband was home on vacation. He knew upon looking at me that I was struggling.  He listened intently, empathized with me, and opened his arms and just let me feel and cry, as he spoke words of love to me.  Once I was done letting my emotions out I had bottled, I was able to collect myself and head back to work.
    A few years ago, one of my best friends, who had just given a concert, stood and greeted every guest who was standing in line waiting to meet her.  As I was there assisting her with whatever needs she had, I listened as she poured love into each fan.  So many came up and shared their personal stories with her one after another.  She purposefully and intently looked them in the eye and empathized each and every detail of what they shared.  At times of listening she teared up with them, laughed with them, prayed with them, and encouraged them with words of life, and then hugged them and they walked away with smiles.  Someone literally could have walked up and shared with her how they were traumatized because their cat had choked on a hairball and she would have fully and totally empathized with their situation and loved them right through it.  This day she showed me in full form just another example of what it is to love people right where they are, but mostly what empathy looks like.  That was another priceless example of love and empathy that I will never forget from people I love.

    Empathy - truly understanding and sharing the feelings of another - is what allows for love, kindness, and generosity to flourish.  And when that happens, everybody operates at their best.
   
    When you have the ability to empathize with someone and their situation, you give them the freedom to deal and heal.  After losing my husband years ago, I have met many women who have also, since then, lost their own husbands or people who have walked through the pain of loss.  When counseling with them, I am very careful as not to "slap my own band-aide" on them.  Usually the first thing I tell them after listening is that each loss is different even if loss itself is similar, because we are unique.  God made us each with our own individualized fingerprints...not another person created is exactly like us, even if they are your identical twin....they are still their own person.  Because of this very fact, it is not my place to ever tell someone how they should feel or what they should do.  I can only give my own testimony and share how I walked through it.  
To empathize is to truly, to the best of your ability, try and identify what it would feel like if you were going through what someone else was....their OWN unique situation, different from any other.  How might you feel if you were walking through that very situation RIGHT NOW, what emotions might that stir up?  What about others involved in the situation, what might they be feeling?  How might you want others to respond to you in that moment?
Notice I didn't say the word "fix".  An empathetic person does not necessarily, foolishly rush in, without thought, to fix or "band-aide" a situation. They are simply present, without judgment, listening, loving, encouraging, building up, prayerfully supporting as they do their best to identify with you. When we can truly do this for others, it allows them a platform to just be.  It allows them to walk freely to deal with the situation, and it allows growth, not at our pace, but at theirs.  I can think of no better place for love to flourish and heal a wounded soul. A perfect love that casts out all fear, a place allowing for people to become the best version of themselves.

Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. (Rom. 12:15)

… so that there should be no division in the body, but that its parts should have equal concern for each other.  If one part suffers, every part suffers with it; if one part is honored, every part rejoices with it. (1 Cor. 12:25-26)

Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. (Gal. 6:2)

Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. (Eph. 4:32)

being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose.  Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.  (Phil. 2:2-4)

Finally, all of you, live in harmony with one another; be sympathetic, love as brothers, be compassionate and humble.  (1 Pet. 3:8)