No Child Left Behind

   I have been a teacher for over 20 years, which is so hard for me to believe.  I have had thousands of students, lots of memories, laughs and tears.  Several years ago, right after having my youngest daughter, I felt the Lord calling me to be home with my daughter.  I knew what I needed to do, I knew what I wanted to do, but I was scared.  I was afraid to let go of what I knew.  I was afraid to give up my income, felt like I was giving up my identity in a way, and really not sure what the future would hold. I knew however deep in my heart that the Lord was bringing me and my family into a new season.
    In the spring of my last school year teaching middle school, I loved taking my class out on the cross country trail for a hike.  The class knew where the trail began and where is ended.  I also reminded them to stay on the trail and that I would be the last one on the trail because I would never leave any of "my kids" behind.  They all laughed and we started out on our way.  As we got going we began to get further and further separated, which was not uncommon as some are faster than others, and they all seemed to be faster than me ;).  As we were walking I kept thinking about my life  and what my new up and coming season, and its challenges, would hold and was beginning to feel that overwhelming feeling creeping in and starting to take a hold.  
At one point I could see the last group of kids just ahead of me, but kept feeling like someone was behind me which caused me to keep turning around, and this continued happening.  It wasn't that scary feeling, like you see in movies where you are being followed and afraid, it was just a sense that someone was behind me.  I kept thinking I was hearing someone and I wanted to be sure that none of my students were left behind.  Finally after several times of me turning around with nobody there, (I swore I had the sense that someone was behind me), and when I thought I was losing my mind because I could sense someone,  I heard The Lord say to me in my spirit "See, I don't leave my kids behind either".  It was at that point I began to cry, and thankful that I could do it privately because my students were far enough ahead of me on the trail. I knew the Lord was telling me in all my thoughts and burdens I was carrying that He had my back. That He would be there every step of the way in the plans He had for my life. Although my goal is to walk with the Lord daily, this was the most amazing experience of knowing and feeling His actual presence on a trail in the woods with me, having my back.  I've walked through a ton of challenges in my life, and He's always had my back, but for Him to love me so much to meet me where I was right in that moment and show me and bring peace to my heart, is incredibly mind blowing to me.
I'm so thankful for His presence in my life and to know that He loves each one of us just that much. May the Lord bless you.

Super-Sensitivity Toward Others

     For whatever reason I find myself reflecting on several things today.  Often my fingers cannot keep up with my mind when typing when this happens, so I apologize for what may come out as random.  
Several months ago, I sang at the funeral of a beautiful lady who fought the cancer battle, and just about a month ago I sang at the funeral of a long time friend who had passed away suddenly.    I found myself doing a lot of people watching during these funerals as I find myself doing at many funerals.  I am typically an active people watcher in many many situations anyway, but OFTEN during loss, because I am familiar with loss.
   We as humans, for obvious reasons, find ourselves "listening" with our ears, but I find that I tend to use many of my senses.  Besides hearing, I mostly use my eyes.  During regular life situations, I often get teased for "staring at" people when they talk or when I am "taking in" something they are doing.  I laugh, because it probably seems like that, but I truly am listening whole heartedly.  I like to look people in the eye when I am talking to them, which can make people uncomfortable at times, because it helps me to "listen" to whats in their soul, whether they are speaking or not.  My husband and I have a kind of a joke we laugh about, that when I am trying to talk to him, I want him to look at me...to listen with his eyes too.  He doesn't necessarily have to do that to hear me, but because that is how I "listen", I often expect the same from him. (now raise your hand if you know that how YOU are with other people, doesn't mean that is how they relate to you - ha ha) Admittedly,  I  have been known to become frustrated when he doesn't do it, and have to remind myself that he doesn't have to look at me to "hear" me, but it often helps ;)  I find when I discipline my own children or my students, I ask them to look me in the eye because I want them to "listen" that way as well, and know that hopefully they are getting the message not only with their ears but their eyes.  This can be a very difficult task for people, because it can make you feel vulnerable.
  I find that I people watch a lot in the way of "tuning in" to what is happening. Its amazing what we pick up when we do tune in.  When talking about senses, I often, in communicating with people, especially close friends, touch them when I am talking or listening to them.  I realize, as I chuckle to myself, that one needs to be careful in doing this when you talk to someone.  You have to use wisdom, when talking to any random person,  or it can quickly turn into a "miscommunication" and taken the wrong way by more than just the person you are talking to.  I find that when I listen with most of my senses, the Lord allows me to be far more "in tune" to what is happening in the soul of others looking beyond the surface.  There is no mistake that God gave us all these senses not just to enjoy life but as tools we don't miss a thing....especially His leading..
   I told a friend a couple weeks ago that because I have walked through a significant amount of loss in my life that its like its made me super-sensitive to others.  It almost feels super-natural at times. Although it sounds funny, I could not think of a better way to put it.  It doesn't mean I have any "super powers" ha ha, but only that I have learned to really "pay attention" and by way of the Holy Spirit who has equipped me,  to "tune in" to others.  I think that this comes from walking through significant loss. I remember while others went on with their normal lives, I wanted to scream out because I was still deeply hurting.   At times felt like I was literally drowning in my own sorrows, and as bad as I wanted to cry out to someone to "save me" from the pain, yet I was still expected to move on like life was as it was before.   I felt nobody could relate, that they wouldn't really understand the depth of the pain, and I also knew that there was only ONE that could heal this pain and He was already walking me through it....just not as fast as I would have liked.
Because of walking this path of deep grief and wishing people understood or  could "hear" me crying out with my hearts pain,  I think from that point I must have made it a point to be detailed  and extremely sensitive with what others might be feeling.  I often joke that I am anally detailed (I think I just heard my husband yell AMEN! ha ha).  That can be good and bad, but with other people, and their feelings I really find myself wanting to understand them and what they may or may not be saying..... their body language, words, even the things they aren't speaking out loud..  Do I miss it, of course, I am human, but my heart really wants to be tentative to others hurts.  
As I was speaking with a group of campers at a speaking engagement last week, we talked about the thoughts in our heads, the things we think about and feel on the inside.  We talked about how we only really share or speak out a tiny percentage of all the thoughts we have in a day.  I made the suggestion of having them imagine if all of our thoughts went onto a big screen or we walked around with word bubbles over our heads.  There were groans heard around the room, including mine.  ha ha.  Well praise God that isn't the case....what a mess that could be.  However, when you are trying to help people or be there for someone in their pain, word bubbles could be helpful.  Unfortunately, behind their smiles and tough exteriors...could very well be a breaking heart, a heart torn into pieces.  
I always tell people going through grief two main things....1. Never make any major life changing decisions while in the depths of grief, and 2.  Don't mask, bandaide, or stifle your grief or emotions, but instead walk through them and genuinely pour them out some how.  It hurts horribly doing so, but you will get through grief faster without masking it.
  Its easy for me to say those things, even though I know this is wisdom from personal experience, but its another when you are actually in the valley of it......this is why I try hard to "tune in" to what is NOT being said..."people watch" if you will.  I may not be able to catch it all, but the Holy Spirit knows all.
What is someone feeling that they may be afraid to say or just not saying.  Crying out and asking for help is often seen as a weakness, but its really not. The opposite is actually true.   Sometime you just need to say "I FEEL LIKE I AM DYING INSIDE" or "THIS IS CRUSHING ME".  The last thing the enemy wants is for us to cry out for help.  He relishes in our suffering and then if we do cry out he fills us with lies of how weak or selfish we are.....do you see the twisted cycle.
    Within our regular lives, I am guilty of getting busy and dealing with the crazy schedules of life.  Things get busy and loud and even more busy.  We hardly have time to get through our own days, let alone stop to examine what someone else might be going through (I've been guilty many times).
Might I challenge us all to "tune in", without judgement, and "people watch", to take a moment to look people in the eye and compassionately into their hearts.  I personally hate to ask people the question of "How are you doing?", because so often culturally, its just used as a greeting and we answer it with "I'm fine", when sometimes we just really aren't fine....sometimes we are hurting, we just don't want to burden others. If you are asking this of someone you truly love and care about, dig deeper, look deeper. 
I love the verse in Proverbs 27:17 where it talks about iron sharpening iron.  So often we help people get the knife out but never attempt to engage and assist in sharpening the blade.  I'm guilty.  
In connecting with others, lets try to use more than just our sense of hearing, but lets engage with our eyes too, and by all means our hearts.  They say the eyes are the window to the soul.  Lets stop what we are doing and look deeper.  Its possible that we may not hear someones pain but that we may see it and we may sense it.  God Bless Y'all ;)