Today my heart is heavy for those dear friends that I know who have recently lost spouses over the last year. Many of you know because of earlier posts, that I have walked this road myself 13 1/2 year ago when I lost my husband Todd. My heart aches because I know the pain, the deafening silence of the house, the fear of the unknown, the empty bed, the clothes left hanging in the closet, their scent still on their belongings, the toothbrush left in the holder, the dirty laundry left in the basket, the voice still on the answering machine..... the day to day struggles of trying to move on without your best friend at your side. This type of loss is different than the loss of another loved one.....each personal loss has its own impact, its own pain, its own path to journey down. What I do know from personal experience is that not a day goes by without thinking about them. Its been 13 1/2 years but I think of Todd daily, regardless of what is happening in my life. Regardless of the fact that I am now remarried and have more children. He was part of my heart and always will be. I'm blessed with a spouse that "gets that", and I am blessed. I have dealt with many emotions of my own, and those who loved him, and there were many. Sadness, hurt, anger, hate, guilt, blame, sympathy, empathy, devastation.....all part of the journey of grief that is on going. Nobody wins in a loss like this...the pain is deep, touching the depths of the very soul to the core. Often we as friends feel helpless in knowing what to say, what to do. I truly think that unless you have personally walked this path, often there is nothing you can say, but just listen and be there with a hug to support. I can tell you that I am so thankful that my own hope was in the Lord. I could not have imagined walking this path without having Jesus at my side. He is the husband to the husbandless, hope for the hopeless. He will carry you when you cant even begin to walk on your own. He will never fail you. I remember crying out to Him many nights when I could hardly stand the silence or the thought of living another day without him....it was God who carried me through. He is able to do immeasurably more than we could even ask for or imagine (Ephesians 3:20). Hold tightly to His hand and he will carry you through. It is true that He knows your pain, and every thought and emotion you are dealing with, but its important not to just think about how He knows this, but to think TO Him. Pour your heart out to Him, and trust that He will be with you through it. I remember writing a lot during this time. The days can get lonely but don't band-aide the pain...walk through it knowing He's got you.
People can be insensitive in this time. I truly don't think they mean to, but in the attempt to "help" in trying to blindly move or keep you in a place in how THEY think things should go, or where they think you should be at that point in life, they can say things that can be hurtful....try not to take it personally but instead to see their love/ or their own pain behind it. Your spouse would not want you to sit in a corner wearing black, with the lights off and shut off the world, but instead would want you to embrace life, live it to its fullest, to walk out His plan...because He does have one for your life. I remember singing a song that was popular at the time by Rich Mullins who has gone on to Heaven himself, called Hold Me Jesus. http://youtu.be/WTDRjqVIyVY . I would sing this song in my "crying out", through the tears and pain and silence. I can clearly see that the Lord answered my prayers in song and He has held me all the way through and has not failed me. I know He will do the same for you, but give it all to Him and know that God's got this. Love you all!!
To read my other post related to this: http://divineirrigation.blogspot.com/2011/03/day-i-lost-my-husband.html
and http://divineirrigation.blogspot.com/2013/03/what-death-has-taught-me.html
